Lake Geneva

Holy cow!!! What a great "weekend" we had! Huge shout out to the Gleason clan...they stayed at the Furr zoo on Monday night so that Heidi and I could take off to Lake Geneva. What a great time! Thank you, Gleasons! And thank you, Furrbabies...you did great.

Lake Geneva is a great community about an hour from Lake Villa. It's got a great downtown area very near to the water - reminds me a lot of Grand Haven, where I grew up in Michigan.

Heidi and I enjoyed some great dinner, relaxed conversation, football, and ...sleep...great sleep...ahhh. There are amazing little conversations that happen when they can just pop up...different than the ones that take place during a two-hour date or between baths in the evening.

What an incredible woman I am married to. I would so do it all over again. I just love spending time with her - hearing her stories, listening to meandering thoughts, her spiritual insights...it's all incredible for me to just take in. You're a gift, Babe...

These past couple weeks have afforded me a little reset. I knew that I'd need it sometime before the fall ministry season, but wasn't sure what it would look like. God provided and it's been great for me. A little rest...but beyond that just some time to hit the reset button and clear my mind a bit.

God provides rest. There is so much work to do in this little thing we call life...80 years is all we have to make a difference and do our part in God's work in this world. After that, eternity awaits...then there is rest. But even with all the work to do here...we need seasons of rest...God made it that way. Weekly days for sabbath rest - to remember that God is bigger than us and to trust his provision, if even for one day. Monthly days to get away and pray for a longer period of time - to listen and allow for pop-up conversations with God. And annual vacations - to visit friends, sleep a bit more (unless you have kids), and see parts of the world you haven't seen ever or for a while. Different types of rest...all gifts from God.

Thanks, God...for the rest.

M@

road trip...

A quick shout out to the Hamburg-ers who read...it was awesome to see you this past weekend - even if briefly. What an amazing gift it was to hang out in the foyer and connect with so many friends. Your affirmations, prayers, and encouragements fill my spirit to overflowing - thank you!

Heidi, the kids, and I loaded up the van early Thursday morning and drove east along the I-90 for about 10 hours. The shortest I've ever made the trip is 8 1/2, but that's by myself...not with two potty-trained kids who know that if they shout "I HAVE TO GO POOPY!" they get to get out of their seats for a few precious minutes. Libby got pretty good at road-side potty breaks...

The kids did awesome on this trip. In past years, when we've made this trip, we maintian that it will only get better. So far, that's been true. They slept well in unfamiliar suroundings. They played with other kids as if they were long-lost friends (which some were). And they flexed with the changes like champs. I don't think Heidi and I slept all that much, but the kids did great!

We spent a bunch of time with Rick and Carrie...soul-friends who have shared life deeply with us. Their friendship remains such an incredible gift. Rick is the one I've shared is fighting cancer. Please continue to pray for them.

We got to attend an anniversary party for Larry and Audry - another couple of soul-friends. What a special way to spend an evening.

We got home late last night...and no one really slept in the car. They slept in a little this morning, but...still up and at 'em before 7...argh. Heidi showed her love by letting me sleep a bit longer...you're the best, Babe...

And then we spent some time this morning with Chicago friends. The Wamsleys have quickly become great friends for us. Their son, Jimmy, turned 3 today and had a Thomas The Train party. What a great time!!

So...it's family day at the Furr house.

God's good to us...

Rick

I've know Rick for about 8 years now. We pretty quickly became friends. And over time and sharing life deeply together, he is what I call a "soul-friend." There isn't much we don't know about each other.

My friendship with Rick has almost cost me my life on several occassions. Not because he's accident prone or because he's malicious. But because it's possible to choke on Diet Coke as it comes our your nose while laughing your can off.

One of Rick's report cards from elementary school records it all. His teacher very plainly stated, "Richard is sometimes silly in class." She didn't say if she liked his silly or if he made her batty...just stating the facts.

Not much has changed. Except that he's older now. But he's still silly. And I love laughing with my friend.

It's been hard to be away from him. There haven't been many Monday morning trips to "heaven" for golf. There aren't any Friday night card games while the kids sleep in the pack-n-play in the family room. Not many bonfires. Oh, we visit each other. We talk on the phone about weekly. We pray together, challenge each other, push each other, and listen.

It's been hard to not be near. But lately, it's been even harder.

I got the news a few weeks ago. That little spot they noticed during a bladder scan isn't as innocuous as we thought...or hoped. The doctor quickly used the "c" word...cancer. Unbelievable.

Then a couple weeks later. The pathology report which would confirm that the cancer was all removed and shouldn't be much of a future problem told another story. It was a more rare kind of bladder cancer and the type of cancer cell was a very aggressive kind. But the good news is that it's not in the muscle and was removed with the surgery.

But the bad news is that it will, without God's intervention, come back - they always do, the doctor said. So on Monday, he begins chemotherapy. And aggressive cancer deserves an aggressive attack. And the battlefield is the body of my friend.

I believe Rick will get healthy again. His life will always be different...but he has a good prognosis. And for that I'm thankful.

I've been struck by Rick's illness. Some pretty core places have been touched...or offended. Places that remember...

If God brings it to mind and you are so inclined, I'd ask you to pray for Rick. Pray that God will give his doctor a wonderful memory of a man who was supposed to get this cancer again, but never did. Pray for the peace of his spirit. Pray for his wife, Carrie, and their 3 kids - Gavin, Eve, and Maeve. Ask God to move in big ways in their lives.

Thanks for doing that.

I hate being away, especially now. But I know that God is near...and that's even better than spitting pop out our noses...

Until then...peace,

M@

up too late...

I should be sleeping right now. But I can't. There are too many things that I'm thinking and praying about. My energy is through the roof right now - about 11:45pm. The house is quiet except for the dishwasher (so much for Super Silent III technology). But in my mind and spirit, it might was well be noon.

When I came on staff at The Chapel, I heard people talk about the sleepness nights. There were a variety of reasons - too much to do, excited about special projects, anxious about conflict. But I've not had many sleepless nights that didn't include puking pre-schoolers. But I guess this is what they were talking about.

Let me tell you a little about the people I get to work with. These are staff on my campus...

Rachel - She's my assistant and Office Manager. She is about halfway through her first pregnancy and is going to be a great mom. If she can juggle her job here...motherhood will be cake...mostly...

Dan - he's our Senior High Pastor and is married to Rachel. He's very cool. I'm a bit more cool because I hang around with Dan. He's stoked about being a new daddy this fall. It's fun to talk about those things with him.

Davy - he's our Junior High Pastor. Once you meet Davy, you say, "he should be in junior high youth ministry." With a Red Bull on board, he's got enough energy to keep up with the dodge-balling jr. highers every week. He's also got a great heart and loves Jesus in big ways.

Laurie - she has been serving our small group leaders for a long time. She is one of the most personable and warm, gentle, kind people I know. I love having her around.

Lynn - as the Worship Director, he brings amazing energy and spiritual insight into a powerful ministry. I love seeing her lead as she does. She is so sensitive to the Spirit and passionate about following Him in every area of her life. She is a great friend. She is also a former professional athlete - ask her about it when you meet her!

Kathy - is our Service Director. She makes things run smoothly (smoothly, right, Kathy?) for the weekend experiences. She's a gifted intercessor and solid leader. She has a slew of kids of her own (and Scott, her husband, too), and then a hole bunch that she claims. Their home is the place to crash if you're a teenager - you if you just need a place to crash. She was born and raised in the Middle East...how cool is that?

Kim - she makes sure our kids have an incredible time Livin' It on the Great Adventure. She's a top-shelf and insightful leader. She's a "lion" like me...but a little more fun!

Nancy - works directly with Kim in TGA (The Great Adventure, which is our children's ministry). She is a tender, kind, and grace-filled leader who loves kids and families. Her son and daughter help make Sunday mornings a little more engaging for our kids, who are there all morning. Nancy leads our minsitry called Special Friends - a ministry for kids with special needs...what a gift!

Sheila - She also works with Kim. She puts her energy into early childhood area. Izal loves...loves Ms. Sheila! She creates an incredible environment and has amazing vision for how young kids connect with God.

Mike - makes sure all our techinical stuff is working the way it should. He's a detail guy with a great knack for making things work well. God bless Mike!! He's a gentle and kind man who is a patient teacher and techie-guy.

Ross - the facilities guy. You need something? Ross is the man. With an amazing heart for ministry and a servant's heart that doesn't quit. Ross is a fun guy, who is passionate about serving behind the scenes. And he knows all the good hiding places in the building!

Yup...that's my gang. These are the folks I get to serve with each week. Some are part time and others are full. But I love being with them, sharing some life with them, and leading with them. They are gifted, smart, loving people who are completely committed to following Jesus, whatever that means. Can you see why I love going to work? And can you see why I don't mind having a bunch of energy thinking about work? These people are a gift to me and those who call the Libertyville campus their home.

Peace,

M@

running hard

As you might guess from the past few posts...my life has added a few rpms of late. My time at The Chapel has been so rewarding and affirming in so many ways. What a gift to be a part of God's work here. The relational intentionality of the leadership is incredible...they have welcomed me into their circle quickly and truly.

Monday night, Heidi and I went to Fogo De Chao with a couple other couples. What a fantastic meat-eating, laughing, hanging out time we had! Great food and great friends...the stuff of life. It's sad that most people in Church leadership don't get even a taste of this kind of goodness.

Today is Independence Day! I was at home with Heidi and the kids all day. As tired as I am/get, I love...absolutely love my time with them. Heidi was scheduled to work, but got waved off last minute. I wish, for her, that she would have been able to go in. But for me...I was glad to have her back home!

The kids are down down...and we're enjoying a quiet home...except for the rockets' red glare coming from our neighborhood. There are a couple of blocks that "compete" for the loudest and biggest fireworks display. Guess whose house is right in between those two blocks? Yup...the Furr home! Should be an interesting night...

I had the opportunity to teach the weekend message again last week (at my campus in Libertyville). This weekend, I'll teach the same message, running the same gaunlet that I wrote about in the last post. It's a good time.

I guess that's a little glimpse of life here in Lake Villa, IL. It's fast. It's good. It's tiring. And it's rewarding.

Peace,

M@

running the gauntlet

9:00 am on Sunday morning. The service begins and we're off... 20 minutes later, I'm standing in front of a group of people who don't know me from Adam, talking with them about the importance of community in serving God. It goes well, but a minute longer than planned. Not bad, I thought, as I walked off the back of the stage.

Bob is waiting for me as I run through the 'green room' and out the back door. "We should be fine." I text the service director in Barrington, letting her know we're on the way. While, in Barrington, the music begins and the people gather to worship God.

25 minutes later, Bob pulls the car in the front of the church, I jump out, grab the mic pack that is handed to me by someone I've never met and walk into a room I've never seen before. The video winds down as I stand on stage, and I pick up where it leaves off, continuing the same message for this new group of people who, again, doesn't know me.

As that message winds down, I walk off the stage, grab the hand of my friend, Steve, only to keep on walking, handing the mic pack back to the nice lady in the lobby, jump in the car, and hold on as Bob drives toward Grayslake again.

I have to say, Bob pulls this stellar move on a lane-merge that puts us ahead of about 6 other cars. Without that move, I would have been late to...

...the video concludes as I walk onto the stage as if I had been there all morning and just waiting for this moment.

God is good. These people didn't know me from anyone. But God goes before.

That's a snapshot of the teaching adventure on the second weekend at The Chapel. It was fun! It was exciting. It was incredible to get a feel for God's hand at work in different locations of the same church. I loved it! And I can't wait to do it again...

...and I'll get my chance in a couple weeks. Thanks, God...

Peace on the Journey,

M@

New things...

What a weekend! It was a weekends of firsts...

- It was the first weekend that I served as the official Campus Pastor for The Chapel, Hawthorn Hills. Prior to this, I was the Associate Campus Pastor. Through a two-month process of testing the waters, connecting with core leaders, and serving alongside Scott (who was Campus Pastor as well as Co-Senior Pastor of The Chapel), God has affirmed so many of the decisions that bring us to this point. I couldn't be more excited and hopeful about my role in God's mission these days.

- It was the first time that I taught on a weekend for The Chapel. There is a teaching team that rotates through most of the campuses. My hiring as Campus Pastor did not include being a part of that teaching team. So when Jeff (the other Co-Senior Pastor of The Chapel), asked me to do the teaching for this message in the current series, I was shocked. This past weekend, I did all three services at my campus. Next weekend, I do the same message at all the other campuses - 4 live and 1 recorded on dvd. I really enjoyed doing it this past weekend. And if that's the best way for me to serve God, then I'd be pleased to do it again. We'll see how it goes. The real "test" will be this weekend - I'll be teaching for people who don't know me from Adam...other than Adam would look a little older than I do...

- It was my first Major League Soccer game. Jim and Jenny took Heidi and I to see the Chicago Fire, the pro team in the area. What a great time! We enjoyed the company of "old friends" (we met them at Northwest) and I learned a ton about a game that I was largely unfamiliar with. Jim is a great fan and understands the strategy - and a good teacher. I'm not sure I "fell in love" with soccer, but I really dig it and hope to watch it some more. In July, a soccer legend from the Mexico team is joining The Fire...should be fun to watch a man that plays on such a huge world stage.

And after such a full weekend, we had a great F5 family day. It started with getting Izak to the doctor first thing in the morning. We seem to start our Mondays there lately. Sinus infection for the big guy. He's already feeling better.

Busy week ahead (what's new?). Big things going on for the Church these days. And it's a gift and honor for me to be a part of it.

Away we go!

M@

My Mommy...

I've taken a few days to interview the children. I don't allow them to use the computer (though Levi is convinced that he knows how). So I asked them what they love about their Mommy and I will write down what they said...

My Mommy makes great pancakes for breakfast. They are tasty with lots of syrup. And they are easy to throw.

My Mommy washes my favorite shirt so that I can wear it every day. Seriously...every day.

My Mommy holds me when I cry. Sometimes I pretend to cry so that she'll hold me. I love that!

My Mommy puts great bandaids on me when I have a boo-boo. And sometimes when I pretend to have a boo-boo, she still gives me cool bandaids.

My Mommy gives me my bottle and lets me lay in bed with her in the morning. Even when Daddy tries to kick me out, Mommy protects me.

My Mommy plays in the water with me...and lets me have the hose!

My Mommy taught me to put pee-pee in the potty today!!

My Mommy checks on me every night to make sure my room is a good temperature and that I'm sleeping well. When I'm not, she even comes and sleeps with me a little bit.

My Mommy holds me when I throw up and don't feel good.

My Mommy does great crafts with me.

My Mommy plays Stinky Cake on the piano...we all like to sing that song!

My Mommy prays with me...that's right, Mommy, good job.

My Mommy works hard every day.

I love you, Mommy!

Love, Izak, Liberty, and Levi
*****************
Daddy's note: my wife is an amazing mother. She tackles the big parts of the job with stregnth and grace. And she pushes through the little things with an endurance that is unbelievable. When the "pecking" would drive most people insane, she digs down deep and finds a place where there is laughter and a tender touch. I thoroughly respect this woman who gives herself fully to her family. I know there are times when she feels very reduced...but in that place, I see amazing purity and courage and strength and beauty.

It is my honor to walk beside (perhaps even just a set behind out of respect) her as a parent.

Happy Mother's Day, my Beloved! You are the greatest!

M@

loving it...

I haven't been able to post much here lately. It's been much of a whirlwind since beginning at The Chapel. And I love it. But it does mean that my time is spent a bit differently.

I'm excited about an opportunity that I have coming up in a few weeks. I have been asked to be one of the teachers for the weekend series that we begin next week. It's exciting for me on several levels. That means I'll be doing the teaching on the fist and second weekends of June. Same message, just different locations. Should be a blast.

I'm assisting in a child dedication this morning. Those are great "church family" moments.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I'll post more on that another time.

The Furr fam is doing well. Kids are amazing. Heidi is incredible.

Go BoSox!!

M@

random thoughts...

I don't get much time to write here these days. My days are pretty filled up between The Chapel and The Furrs. So when the kids go down, Heidi and I are getting some time together and we're on the way to bed. So now I have a few minutes and I'll just toss out a few things...

- I'm loving my work at The Chapel. I'm learning a huge amount. I feel like I'm contributing already. 5 weeks in and I'm living in the confirmation of God on this decision.

- Heidi and I have a close friend who is graduating from Wheaton in a couple weeks. Aunt Lo is finishing her Masters...way to go, Lo!!! I am so proud of you!

- My folks are coming for a visit this weekend. It's going to be great to show them around our new digs (Chapel, not a new home). They prayed and walked with us through the transition, and now they get to see it for themselves. And the kids are stoked about seeing them. Izak even has a special book for his grandma to read to him...very cool.

- Next weekend, Carrie, a dear friend from Buffalo, is coming for a visit. It will be great to connect with her and share a bit of life together.

- There is a group of pastors that I pray with each Thursday. We take some time to share a bit of life, but our prayer focus is the community around us. But we've also grown as friends. How incredible to walk through life knowing a few othe men have your back. These guys are a gift. Even in my transition, they have walked with me, offering prayer and solid encouragement. That's how it's supposed to be among Christian leaders in a community...

- There is no way that Bush can sign this law to pull the troops out. Not that we're in danger of him doing so. And this has nothing to do with any opinions I have about the Iraq War. But it has to do with the Constitution. I'm a Constitutional hacker, but I've got a little clue about seperation of powers. The President is the only Commander and Chief of the armed forces. In this bill, Congress is stepping into that role. If Bush went along with it, there would be a substantive constitutional crisis.

- I'm doing some reading in the New Testament book of Romans. Wow...incredible stuff...

- I love that the Red Sox spanked the Yanks! Not only did they beat them, but they did so in a fashion that stung a little (at least for Yankee fans). In two of the games, it looked like NY would pull it out...but in the last few innings, the Sox pulled ahead and won. I love it! Go Sox!!

- Jamarcus Russell to Oakland...solid pick.

- Obama pulling close to Hillary. Fun race to watch. How funny would it be for Gore to jump in after several months of these two beating on each other...

Well...I told you they would be random. As I settle into my new life a bit more, there will be some space for writing here a little more. Until then, it's random, baby!

M@

human fabric...

Read these words by Robert Kennedy...

"I saved . . . this opportunity to speak briefly to you about the mindless menace of violence in America which again stains our land and every one of our lives. It's not the concern of any one race. The victims of the violence are black and white, rich and poor, young and old, famous and unknown. They are, most immportant of all, human beings whom other human beings loved and needed. No one, no matter where he lives or what he does, can be certain who next will suffer from some senseless act of bloodshed, and yet it goes on and on and on in this country of ours. Why? What has violence ever accomplished? What has it ever created? Whenever any American's life is taken by another American unnecessarily, whether it is done in the name of the law or in defiance of the law, by one man or by a gang, in cold blood or in passion, in an attack of violence or in response to violence, whenever we tear at the fabric of our lives, which another man has painfully and clumsily woven for himself and his children, whenever we do this, then the whole nation is degraded. Yet we seemingly tolerate a rising level of violence that ignores our common humanity and our claims to civilization alike."

We are a thread woven together, if even clumsily. And when one part of that fabric is assulted and torn, the whole garment suffers.

Violence looks a lot of different ways. Yesterday, we saw the unthinkable unfold in Virginia. The week before, we heard the violence in the form of words - words that attempted to steal pride, dignity, and innocence. Every day, violence is a part of our world...and every day we tolerate it.

What does it look like to stop tolerating violence? Is it possible? Or do I need to just keep walking and not looking?

I think it looks like me taking notice when 3 kids in my neighborhood chase one kid off the bus and into his driveway. I didn't stop...but I watched it unfold. Would I have stopped if a blow had been struck? I'd like to think so...

It looks like people choosing to care about issues that they don't have to care about - racism, sexism, classism, etc. I'm a white man...I have the luxury of not dealing with racism each day. But there are those I love who don't have that same luxury. How do I choose to step into their "cause" because it's right and just?

Do I speak when people around me are speaking ill of another person? All too often, I've been quiet in my life. Violance? Really? Sure, maybe it's only a reputation that falls, but it's still a stain on the fabric, isn't it?

Perhaps that's why Jesus, in his teaching, continually brings us back to relationships. How we treat people shows what we really believe about him. Relationships are where faith meets life.

Today, I stop and pray because there are cries going up all over this country and world. They are the cries of people who have been feeled by violence. Stop and pray with me...pray for peace. And after we pray, let us look for ways that we are the answers to those prayers.

Peace to you...

M@

sacred moments...

There have been several of these in the past couple weeks. Sacred moments are hard to share...to put words to. They are the spaces in time that make life, real life...

1. There was a moment last Thursday. The Campus Pastors were gathered together with the Senior Pastors. Years ago, Jeff and Scott made a decision that they would step into co-senior leadership together, birthing the reality of team ministry at The Chapel. It's been written into the DNA. So to sign up as a leader in this community is a commitment to share life authentically with others. Last Thursday, I was welcomed into that space with 6 other men.

There is some of that moment that is truly too sacred to write here. I've shared it with Heidi, but will keep most of it in my heart.

At one particular moment, we were sitting around a table eating dinner. It was Thursday of Holy Week. It felt like some spiritual connection with that evening when Jesus ate a holy supper with his disciples, the men he intentionally invested in for 3 years. There would be no betrayal and death stemming from our table, but it was a moment...

2. During the Good Friday service at my campus, there was a moment in each service where God whispered sacred words into my soul. There were the words that make leaders shiver in awe and burst with hope. They were words for me. As I watched the people of my campus pass by me, approach a huge beam of wood, and surrender their written-out sin by nailing that paper to the beam...those moments were sacred...

What a great weekend to step into public leadership at my campus. Good Friday was the first time that I would speak publicly (without being a part of an introduction). There could not have been a more profound moment to stand before the people entrusted to my care and be a part of a sacred moment...

****
The transition continues to go well. I love meeting so many people - staff, ministry partners and leaders...it's all great! I'm being stretched as the learning curve is steep. But I sense God's hand on me.

God is good...

Peace,

M@

loving it!

I'm less than a week into my new role at The Chapel...and loving it. It's great on so many levels. When I stepped into the "abyss" I had no idea I'd get to step into something like this. Thank you, God!

Had a great Daddy Night with the kids. I love hanging out with them. It's fun to see each of them develop into their own person - quirks and all.

We're starting to look ahead to summer...going to have some great visits with friends and family. We begin by having Heidi's sister and bil here this weekend - Dave and Kat are fun to have around. The kids will be so excited to spend time with them. They come in Friday night.

Amidst the busyness and new pace of life, I'm still connecting with God. One of my fears of going to a large church like The Chapel is that He would be pushed out. Though it looks a bit different, I am thankful for His continual presence and the quiet moments that we still get.

Peace,

M@

what a weekend!

This was my first weekend as a leader at The Chapel. Heidi and I went to Saturday worship at the Grayslake campus - it was great to run into people I had met earlier during the week and even some friends. Then, this morning, we were introduced to the people at the Hawthorn campus (Libertyville) and were so warmly welcomed by the people. I loved having the chance to connect with so many people before, between, and after worship. What a great day.

I loved having Heidi by my side. There were moments when the people were coming around us like a wave and we were both making connections. We would just back into each other, know the other was there, and keep going. I love having an amazing and strong wife.

I'm only 4 days in and am loving it. There is hard work ahead, but a great team with which to lock arms and do it.

Tomorrow is family day and it's supposed to be nice outside. Should be a great day to play, laugh, and enjoy being the Furrs!

Peace,

M@

whirlwind...

It's been quite a month. For those trying to keep up with things via this blog...sorry I've not been giving much.

I am officially no longer the lead pastor of Northwest Christian Community. I lead my final worship gatherings on Sunday. I sensed God's presence and pleasure in those final moments together (in that capacity). People were very kind and affirming in their comments.

Sunday afternoon was a special open house at the Eckrote home. What a gift! A bunch of people stopped in to enjoy some great food and time together. Again, a very affirming time.

I'm taking a few days "off" with Heidi and the kids. I'm enjoying my time at home. Today, Heidi worked and a sitter came so that I could get some time out of the house alone. I was invited to a special meeting at The Chapel, so spent some time there, getting to connect and plan with the worship arts team. What a blast!

I also dropped off all my books in my new office. I didn't get to unpack any of them, but they are no longer in the garage and I can begin to settle in on Thursday, my first "official" day.

It's been great to meet some of the staff and key leaders. I'm looking forward to more and more interaction with them.

Tomorrow is a family day...nothing really on the agenda, except playing and eating and playing some more. Love to play!!

Then on Thursday, time to jump in with both feet!! I'm excited and am already waking up thinking about things...a good sign...

That's a quick update on life...

My final 4 are still in the tournament: Oregon, Kansas, Memphis, and Georgetown. Yup, that's right, no OSU or Florida. As much fun as it would be to watch Florida beat OSU again, I didn't go with conventional wisdom on this one.

Peace,

M@

Houston...Apollo 8...

And the radio crackled to life as 250,000 miles from earth, Apollo 8 came around from the dark side of the moon.

"It is my pleasure to extend an offer of employment to you to join The Chapel..." And I feel like I've come around from the dark side of the moon. With a handshake and a conversation about next steps, start dates, and bookshelves, I joined the team at The Chapel (www.chapel.org).

As of March 22, I will be Associate Campus Pastor at the Libertyville campus. I'm not going to go into the details of what that means...but know that I am excited to use my gifts and experience and passion to serve in this capacity.

God has been guiding this process...which is why it's gone so quickly and smoothly. He has affirmed this decision in the same ways that I outlined in a previous post.

I am both humbled and excited to join this movement.

Peace on the Journey,

M@

dark side of the moon...

I was watching a PBS show the other night about the Apollo 8 project - the first time that people orbitted the moon. It was a great show.

Before that show, I reflected with a few people that I have felt like I have been on the dark side of the moon - thinking back to the movie Apollo 13.

So to see that imagery again was striking for me.

It's that place when the space capsule has been caught by the moon's gravity and begins to orbit. As it goes around the moon, to the dark side, it looses all communication with earth. Silence.

In the background of the narrator of the show, I heard the lone voice: Apollo 8, Houston. Apollo 8, Houston. Every 30 seconds. That was his job...to keep putting it out there until there was finally a crackling response...Houston, Apollo 8. Then relief and open channel communication.

In this transition process, I've felt like that. I stepped out in faith, trusting what I could not see. But as I let go of one handle, I felt like I slipped out of communication. Not that God wasn't there or even still talking...but it was time to trust. I had to trust that the trajectory of gravity would continue to pull me around the dark side of the moon and back into a place where I could see more clearly.

The dark side of the moon is a scary place. If you choke and hit the thrusters to speed things along, you'll break out of the moon's gravity and head into deep space with no chance of recovery...lost. But if you simply trust and hold steady...one step at a time...then you'll hear the voice again.

I don't think I'm in full view of earth yet. But I hear the crackling voice of Houston once again. And it won't be long now.

How do I listen?

How do I listen to God? It's such a key part of life. It has also been used in so many situations to simply stifle reaction - if I'm hearing from God, then what can you say about my choices? As I have decided to leave Northwest, here's how I've experienced God's leadership...

1. Pray and fasting. I've learned so much about the discipline of fasting. There is value in voluntary weakness (fasting) because it brings up so much junk that's lurking inside me. As I fast, God shows me my heart so much more clearly. It's not pretty, but I've found it to be crucial. In those places, I'm more effectively able to put "self" aside and listen.

Then, as I pray...I simply listen. Over the years, I've learned to recognize the voice of God speaking in my spirit. It's gentle. It's loving. It's kind.

2. Bible. Rarely have I found the Bible answering my specific questions like a Magic 8 Ball. But I connect so meaningfuly with the character of God as I read. It reminds me that the voice of God is gentle, loving, and kind. It reminds me that God is greater than my fear. It reminds me that the journey of faith sometimes doesn't make sense. During our weekend worship gatherings, we've been studying the New Testament book of James. It could not have been a better study for me or Northwest at this stage of the journey. And I sensed God leading me to do that study back in July/August, before any of this stuff started breaking loose.

3. Wise and godly counsel. One of the gifts God has given that I have done a good job leaning into is a great wealth of wisdom around me. People that have known me for over 25 years, who I trust, speak truthfully into my life. They push on hard issues. They press into hard questions. They challenge. They pray. They offer input. And they leave me to make the decision. My life isn't a democracy...but I am so thankful for the input.

This is one of the places that I guard against the "God told me so" trump card. If I go alone to a solitary place and come back saying "God said..." then I put that against the Bible and godly counsel. There will be consistent trends as the pieces come together.

4. My wife. Heidi needs to be tracking with me. If I start looking into a leading and she says, "Pipe down, Furr..." then I have learned to pipe down. But when I share what I'm stirring on and she's already there...then that's pretty confirming in Matt world.

5. Walk toward the fear. This isn't a perfect method of listening to God, but there is something to it. God often puts us in places where we need to trust Him more than our own ability to create a safe place. If I fear taking a step that I think I hear God calling me to...there's a good chance it really is Him. It's not the same as being foolish. But the walk of faith is a call to allow God to help one overcome fear.

6. Embrace grace. Even with all these things, I still may make bad decisions. I might not hear quite clearly. I might have missed a nuance of His leadership. It's possible. And in the fear that I might get it wrong, I lean into grace. God knows my heart and my desire to hear and seek Him above all else. He's pleased by that. And if I'm wrong, I will plead for forgiveness - God's and those I hurt. And I will trust forgiveness and grace to win the day.

It's not a perfect system. But I can't recall much about the faith journey that leads one to a perfect system...that's the point. It's faith. It's learning to trust Him more than myself. It's stepping out, even when it seems to not make sense. And it's trusting the grace of God.

That's the process I've gone through in the past several months. It's been terrible at moments when I hvae confronted the garbage in my own spirit. It's been wonderful as I have experience the powerful grace of Christ in ways I never dreamed possible in my own life. And there is still much that can't be described with words...it's just for the soul to ponder and wonder.

Peace on the journey,

Matt

interesting days...

I'm not sure how to put words to everything yet. I'm walking through some of the hardest days that I've ever had, while experiencing God's presence in ways I never had...strange how those two things seems to always go hand-in-hand...pain and God's presence.

Last Sunday night, I stood before the people of Northwest and explained that I have resigned as lead pastor.

The biggest question is why?

The answers are not for this forum, but are reserved for live and in-person conversations.

But every answer to that question can be countered with another question or probing response.

And underneath the why that is seen and can explained (to a degree) is the why that is unseen. There is a step of faith in my decision. At some level, there is the belief that there will be something important that will come of it...something crucial to the life and soul of this community of people.

And so I step away. It's not easy. And it's not clear what's next...for any of us. But isn't that what faith is all about? Trusting in God, even when our eyes may deceive us?

And so the Furr Journey takes a bend in the road...one that I didn't see coming. One that I didn't go looking for. But a bend that came nonetheless.

Walking on...

Matt

now that's just funny...

I just read a headline on Drudge...a congressional hearing on global warming was cancelled today due to an ice storm...

Now...that's just funny!

That's all...nothing more...just a little chuckle...now get back to work...

catching up...

It's been quite the time around here. Here are a few of my quick-hit thoughts these days:

- getting sick is no fun. Thankfully, I haven't been...but everyone else here has. Again...not fun.

- I was pulling for the Bears. Grossman...bummer...but I'm not disappointed that Indy won. Dungy is a class act, as is Manning. So I can be happy for them.

- I'm still slowly working my way through Obama's book, Audacity of Hope. It's a good read.

- I even read some fiction last week. It's been a while since I've done that. Thank you, John Grisham. The Broker was a fun read.

- Football season is over. It was fun while it lasted. Now on to ... golf season!

- It's time to watch 24. I've missed a couple weeks, hope I can catch up tonight.

Bye...

Re-connecting...

Laura is an amazing friend. She has huge leadership gifts, is dialed into the Spirit, and walks with amazing integrity. I love it when she spends time hanging with the Furrs.

But life has been crazy for her and for us. It's been a long time since we've gotten to just sit and share some life together. And there is a whole lot of life going on these days.

Last night was one of those moments. We met at our favorite eats joint (Bennihana's in Wheeling and laughed, cried, shared, prayed, and ate great food.

Those kinds of things just fill me up. Yup...those kinds of friendships are a gift.

Peace,

Matt

sorry fetz...

My friend "Fetz" is in the Republican party in Michigan. So he's going to hate this observation.

But I don't think the Republican party has a shot at the White House in 2008. I know, a lot can happen in the next couple years. And I am sure that a lot will happen in that time.

But I think that America is poised to break the trend of electing white men as President. For the entire history of our country, there has been a "glass ceiling" in government. I think I see cracks in the glass. And for that, I'm glad. It's past time.

Unless John McCain dons a dress...not a pretty sight!

I've been reading The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama. It's a good read. I certainly don't agree with all his policies, but I am inspired by his thoughts on government and how our unique brand of representation can work most effectively. I'm not sure Washington is ready for them, but I hope his voice is heard and undistorted. Should be fun!

Peace,

M@

a boy needs his dad...

Sometime, a boy just needs his dad...

the other day, Izak just seemed out of sorts to me. He was just pushing and pushing - not always unusual for a 4 year old, I know. But it just didn't seem right. Then, as were upstairs getting ready for bed, he saw me standing down the long hallway in my room. He looked at me with steel in his eyes...and ran for all he was worth. Not to hug. Not to jump on. He just ran straight into me with all he was worth. Then he backed up and did it again.

Ahh...that's what he needs...time to wrestle!!

So I grabbed him, tossed him on the bed and tickled him like crazy. He tickled me. We laughed and rolled and wrestled. We got back down on the floor and I looked at him with crazy eyes, crouched down in a 3-point stance (like the front line of a football team) and ran right into him, pulling him to the floor.

He liked the looks of that. He got up, crouched in a 3-point stance. And plowed into me as hard as he could.

I must confess, it did a dad's heart proud to see my boy looking like a defensive lineman!

Sometimes a boy just needs his dad.

I've processing some huge things these days. I sometimes feel alone and confused...not sure which end is up. I have great mentors and advisors.

But today, I talked with my dad. He shared his wisdom and heart. He asked hard questions. He pushed on my ideas with grace and strength. He got in the trenches with me.

Sometimes, a man just needs his dad.

Thanks, Dad...

Daddy Day...

Well, the kids lived through a day with Daddy at the helm. Barely...

They all were apparently excited about the prospect of being home with Daddy, because they started talking together about 5am...

"LIBBY!!" - coming from Izak's room.
"EINSKEIN" - coming from Libby's (that's what she calls him).

Back and forth several times. Then laughing and more yelling.

Let me set the stage. I'm not a morning person. Never have been (maybe a couple of Christmas mornings about 25 years ago, but certainly not on any regular on-going basis). I'm pretty convinced that Jesus doesn't even want to see me at 5 am.

I told them to keep it down, which they did, thankfully. That gave me time to shower to begin my day so that I could possibly smile at them at six-two-zero (the time we tell Izak he's allowed to come out of his room in the morning).

We played a lot today. We went to the store. For some reason, people just stop and look at the bearded man with two kids in one cart, stuff in another cart, and a walkie-talkie tagging along beside. I got both looks of sympathy, concern, and support. But no matter the look, they all gave me a wide berth to move through!

Here's the kicker...none of them made it to 6 pm. by 5, they were all melting. Izak was the worst! He stood outside the tub crying..."I can't move." I got him to his room and jammied up for the night, telling him to wait for me to get Lib down. By the time I got her down and went back to him, he was crashed in bed with the lights on full. Poor kid...

So I had the evening to myself. My dad recommended the show 24 to me last year, but I missed most of it before starting to watch...I got lost. So this year, I wanted to watch it from the beginning. I may be a simple man (may, nothing...), but this show grabbed me from the first tick of the very loud clock. I'm hooked. Thanks, Dad...

I heard from Heidi who is getting filled up by the love of good friends. She heads home tomorrow. I should see her before heading into a marathon elders' meeting in the evening.

In all, it's been a good Daddy day. I didn't lose my cool. I didn't lose any kids. And the house is at peace.

I'm guessing they're going to be excited about another day with Daddy, so I'd better get to bed...

I'm learning...

...mostly.

I've said it before on this blog and anyone who knows me knows that I like to drive. In another life, I'll be a trucker or something. But for now, I'm a pastor, who works weekends. So when I get the chance to take a long drive, I usually take it...even if it means a little chaos for others.

Heidi took off to visit some friends for a couple days, so I'm on duty with the kids. I love my time with them and thought it would be fun to visit the cousins in Michigan. So after church today, I scrambled (with the amazing help of 3...count them 3 people) to pack the suitcase, get some food, hook up the dvd player in the van, find the pack-n-play, and get everyone in the van. I could only get that far because Heidi was long gone already.

The kids were stoked. I was ready for a challenge and a drive. Izak was ready to be my helping hands on the road. And we were off!

Then there was that feeling in the pit of my stomach. Not the one that told me Heidi would frown on such an adventure (I had already dispatched that voice an hour earlier when I even considered making the trip). But this was the voice that said, "Hey, Furr...these kinds of trips are great for you, but do you really need to drag your kids into your vortex of nuts?"

Yeah...you're right little voice. Maybe it was God...or maybe He just let "common sense" handle this one. Either way, on the south side of Chicago, after about an hour on the road, I took the exit and turned around.

I felt stupid even being in that situation. But hey, I listened to that voice much sooner than I ever would have earlier in the my life. Hey, look at me...I'm growing!!

So the kids and I had a nice drive to and from the big city. They got to watch a couple videos in the car, which they thought was great. And we got McDonalds for dinner. That's a good time!

We're at home. Where we all belong...

clarity

I've always been comfortable with ambiguity and a certain amount of chaos. As a matter of fact, Heidi is always reminding me to "let sleeping dogs lie." I'm not sure what they feel they need to lie about...they can't even talk, for crying out loud! But I'm not one to let things setting in too much.

But much of my prayer energy this past several months has been for clarity. God's funny that way...take the kid who likes change and ambiguity and put him in a position that he needs clarity.

Leadership requires clarity. It's one thing for me to muddle around on roads I don't recognize...it's totally another to bring others along with me. To lead requires clarity.

And so I pray for clarity to lead well. It doesn't always come in the way that I expect it...but it always comes. God's little tip of the hat to the kid who likes to be surprised...I'll show you the picture, but I won't tell you how we get there.

As long as I can be surprised a little, I'm all good with clarity...

Not much there...just something I'm stirring on as I sit in the library wrapping up my message, praying, and journaling.

Peace,

Matt

According to Jim...

There really isn't much good on tv most nights. I look, but you know, most of it is brain garbage. One of my peeves with much of tv is that it portrays men as idiots, sexual dogs, or feminized in some way. Raymond, 31/2 Men, Friends, Seinfeld, etc.

But there is a show that caught my attention as I was surfing during the Sugar Bowl. I consider it one of my duties to surf during commercials (don't even get me going about the commercials during "family hours" while football is on...). I came across According to Jim. I've seen it before and it's funny. But tonight, Jim was teaching his son to be a man...and Mom wasn't having it. I love the way that the show captured the tension of boys becoming men and how Mommies don't always like it.

While discussing this, Jim says to his wife, "God gave boys dads to teach them how to be men." Bullseye!!!! I'm not saying I agree with the vision of manhood that Jim was putting out there, but he nailed it in that one line.

God made us dads in order to teach our boys how to be men. How true it is...

Peace,

M@

update...

Christmas was amazing this year! Heidi did an incredible job brining fun tradition into our home. The kids made tree ornaments. Heidi and Izak made hard candy and cookies. I learned that when making cookies with Izak, you don't want to hear "There..." and see sprinkles of salt next to the mixer of dough. What a great time.

I also loved that we did different kinds of gifts for most family this year. We gave special gifts to World Vision - things like clean water for a year for a whole school, lama, nets for protection against malaria...things that can save lives for people in other parts of the world. Thanks, family, for going along with us.

A special Christmas treat was having Aunt Lo with us. She stayed in Chi-town for this holiday and spend Christmas Eve with us and then the next few days. I loved having her here to share the special day.

Day after Christmas, I got my gift - a drive to Buffalo to hang with my guys, Rick and Larry. It was a quick trip, but it went well and my soul was nourished by the time spent with these men. I came back late Wednesday night. I love the long drive - great time with God alone...

Now, we are about to head into the final day of 2006. I'll reflect more on the year in another post. What a year...!

Saturday is coming to a close...good night.

M@

Happy Holidays?

Christmas is a great season. I love it for so many reasons.

One of the dynamics of this season, one that seems to be growing every year, is the offence taken at being greeted by "Happy Holidays" at stores. I read blogs and hear Christians talking about how important it is to identify this season as Christmas.

But Christmas isn't the only holiday being celebrated by people this time of year. Some people have very meaningful celebrations of Hanuka or Kwanza. I've even gone to a Winter Solestice party!

Part of respecting other people is to invite them to enjoy whatever holiday they are celebrating, not just if it's ours. Though not a "biblical" holiday (in the sene that it's originated in the Bible), it does reflect a reality that is a the core of God's redemptive plan in the world - the celebration of Christ's birth. I'm all about that and am so thankful for the gift of life we have in Him.

But wishing someone a happy Hanuka doesn't take away my joy in Christmas. Sending some friends a Happy Kwanza card didn't in the least steal my joy or thankfulness.

The other day, I was in the store and heard the cashier saying the requisite, "Happy Holidays." to her customers. That's cool...

As I approached and was giving her my money, I stopped and asked, "What holiday to celebrate this time of year?" She stopped and looked at me a little strange...and then smiled broadly. "Hanuka...and Christmas!"

I simply said, "Then Happy Hanuka and Merry Christmas!"

It wasn't that big of a deal. But it was brief encounte where I chose to value her instead of myself.

And that's what ordinary attempts are all about.

What "ordinary attempts" at loving people have you tried lately? Share with us!

Peace...and Merry Christmas!

Matt

random thoughts...

It's been awhile since I've posted. That's partly because I've been doing a lot of writing and reflecting in other areas, so don't get to write here as often. So here are some random things to catch you up a bit...

- After the snow day, we took off for Bay City, MI to visit Heidi's family. Christmas celebration there is always a big deal. It's been several years since we've been there all together for it. So this year was special. The kids did great traveling...which helps Mom and Dad to better traveling, too;-)

- I had a couple weeks off from preaching. It was a nice break. Northwest-ers have been listening to my voice every Sunday since July...that's too long for them! Kevin stepped in and did a good job. I still worked, but was able to put my attention in other places.

- This is a pretty crazy week. Heidi oriented at a new hospital as a part of her agency resume. She's not able to expand her options, which will be nice. That was Monday. Tuesday was Elders meeting. Tonight, she's working. Thursday, I have a team meeting for Northwest. Friday night we're heading to the city with our Small Group to enjoy the sights and sounds of Christmas in Chicago - this will be Heidi's and my first time in the city together. Saturday evening is the annual staff/elder Christmas dinner - a time to celebrate and remember together. Yup...that's a crazy week...

- As I mentioned, we're heading to the city Friday. I'm excited about this on many levels. Can't wait to be there with Heidi. Excited about sharing this season with this group that is so special to us. It's a huge part of making this area "home" for me.

- The kids are awesome! I loved being at home with them on Monday. I'm home every Monday, but this week was special because it was just me. Sure, I missed Heidi, but I loved being able to give her that time away (to work, of course) and to have that time with the kids. I generally don't get whole days alone with them...I like my kids. And I am so thankful for Heidi, who is with them all day most days of the week...she's an incredible mother and wife...thanks, Babe.

- I won the first round of playoffs in one of my fantasy football leagues. This week will be tougher. And in the other league, I went into the playoffs in first place! The playoff game this week should work out fine...then next week will be a stretch. It's been fun...mostly because I win most of the games.

Well, that's the news from Lake Villa these days.

Merry Christmas!

M@

snow day...

Since moving to Chicago-land, I've got to say that I'm pretty unimpressed with the snowfall. If I'm going to be cold (which winter is), then I'd prefer to have a bunch of the white stuff. Call me sick, but I like it.

And they talk a good snow game around here...but really haven't delivered much.

Until today. The forcasters called for a huge storm. I was skeptical.

So when I woke up to a healthy dose of snow, I was pleasantly surprised.

I waited out the storm at home, hanging with Heidi and the kids. I shoveled a few times to keep ahead of the snow (it was heavy so I wanted to lift as little at a time as possible). Izak even helped me shovel a bit.

I was, admittedly a little stir-crazy...I had plans in my head that were being put on hold. As much as I love my family, I was also ready and raring to go. So I had to put my ideas on hold for a few hours...not the end of the world. And instead, I got to watch my kids play outside in the snow.

"Daddy, is it winter now?"

"Yup, buddy, it's officially winter. Have fun!"

And he did...so did I.

We're heading to Michigan tomorrow to spend a couple days celebrating Christmas with Heidi's family. Should be a great time to connect with them and change the scenery a bit.

peace,

M@

snow day...

Since moving to Chicago-land, I've got to say that I'm pretty unimpressed with the snowfall. If I'm going to be cold (which winter is), then I'd prefer to have a bunch of the white stuff. Call me sick, but I like it.

And they talk a good snow game around here...but really haven't delivered much.

Until today. The forcasters called for a huge storm. I was skeptical.

So when I woke up to a healthy dose of snow, I was pleasantly surprised.

I waited out the storm at home, hanging with Heidi and the kids. I shoveled a few times to keep ahead of the snow (it was heavy so I wanted to lift as little at a time as possible). Izak even helped me shovel a bit.

I was, admittedly a little stir-crazy...I had plans in my head that were being put on hold. As much as I love my family, I was also ready and raring to go. So I had to put my ideas on hold for a few hours...not the end of the world. And instead, I got to watch my kids play outside in the snow.

"Daddy, is it winter now?"

"Yup, buddy, it's officially winter. Have fun!"

And he did...so did I.

We're heading to Michigan tomorrow to spend a couple days celebrating Christmas with Heidi's family. Should be a great time to connect with them and change the scenery a bit.

peace,

M@

snow day...

Since moving to Chicago-land, I've got to say that I'm pretty unimpressed with the snowfall. If I'm going to be cold (which winter is), then I'd prefer to have a bunch of the white stuff. Call me sick, but I like it.

And they talk a good snow game around here...but really haven't delivered much.

Until today. The forcasters called for a huge storm. I was skeptical.

So when I woke up to a healthy dose of snow, I was pleasantly surprised.

I waited out the storm at home, hanging with Heidi and the kids. I shoveled a few times to keep ahead of the snow (it was heavy so I wanted to lift as little at a time as possible). Izak even helped me shovel a bit.

I was, admittedly a little stir-crazy...I had plans in my head that were being put on hold. As much as I love my family, I was also ready and raring to go. So I had to put my ideas on hold for a few hours...not the end of the world. And instead, I got to watch my kids play outside in the snow.

"Daddy, is it winter now?"

"Yup, buddy, it's officially winter. Have fun!"

And he did...so did I.

We're heading to Michigan tomorrow to spend a couple days celebrating Christmas with Heidi's family. Should be a great time to connect with them and change the scenery a bit.

peace,

M@

change of pace...

For the next two weeks, I'm not teaching at the weekend worship gathering. This means my life can take on a different pace, since preparations aren't as urgent. It's been about 6 months since Northwest has had a break from hearing my voice break through their Sunday morning tranquility...they deserve a break!

I've spent a good deal of the past 5-6 days at home. I love being with my family. Granted, I'd go nuts if I were there as much as Heidi...God bless that woman...seriously...she deserves it. But I love being with them. I love that they get excited about me coming home and all want to give their goodbye kisses before I leave.

When the staff meets on Tuesday mornings, I often as, "Where are you seeing God lately?" It's fun to hear different stories and encounters. But this morning, my God-sighting was in my own life (it's not all that unsual...but just what seemed to be front and center for me today). I've struggled in some ways with "monkeys" - that's what Heidi and I call feelings of discouragement.

I'm not really even sure why I'm discouraged...some great stuff is happening at Northwest, I love what I do there, we're making some great friends. Oh, sure, I miss my friends from NY and there are always things that can be done better...but in general there isn't a good reason to have monkeys.

So as I prayed about it and sought God's input on the monkeys, He brought incredible peace....He even snuck a little joy in there without me even asking! As I wrote in my journal and prayed and read the Bible...the monkeys seemed to go away. What a gift. Thank you, God...

I'm hoping this change of pace will be a good time of refreshment for me. As you might think of me, whisper a little prayer to that effect.

Peace,

M@

Thankgiving (plus 2 days)...

We had a great Thanksgiving Day! It was just the Furr 5 together. Heidi made an amazing meal for us. The kids enjoyed playing and eating special treats. We even had the chance to play at a park, the weather was so nice.

It's a good chance to stop and think about what I'm thankful for. Here are my thoughts on that...

- An amazing family. God uses my family in ways they may not even realize - He redeems dark and hidden places. My head gets so focused on work. Then it happens. Izak grabs my hand and says, "Daddy, come outside and play with me." Work. Play. Choose. My soul lives a little more each time I grab the football and run with my boy. My daughter offers a kiss in the middle of the day - yes, my baby...anything you want. And my youngest grabs my knees and threatens to pants me if I don't bend over and pay some attention his way. Yes...my family is a gift to me.

- I know I only talked about the kids above. That's because Heidi deserves her own line in my list of thanksgivings. She is an above-amazing wife. Her challenging accountability at just the right moment. Her carefully worded caution about this or that. Her wisdom. Her grace. Her hand grabbing mine when the "discouragement monkeys" come around. Yeah...beyond words. I'm thankful for my bride of 12+ years.

- I love my work. I was made for this. Even the hard days can be incredible. I have the honor of seeing God at work in a way that is unique. Oh, I could get caught up in the stuff that needs to be done, the reports written, this and that accomplished. It will come. But the joy is in the mystery of a gracious God who chooses to not forget His people, but pours out his love, grace, and joy. I see His hand in the reconciled friendship, in the freed addict, in the humble spirit. And seeing Him at work is a gift to me.

- I'm thankful for a home that is a palace compared with most of the world. I tire of the toilet that leaks and the uneven heat and A/C or the washer that's a bit too loud because it's in the kitchen. But come on...are you kidding me? No complaining allowed. It's dry. It's warm. It's cool. It's filled with laughter. My home is a gift. And so is the washer and drier...especially when one of the kids has the flu...like last night...yuck!

- I'm not sure why...I know I don't deserve them, but God has given me many friends. Seriously. There are more than a handful of people I could call at any moment of any day and pour out my heart. Most people don't have one. I have some here in Illinois. I have some in Buffalo, NY. I have some in New England and Minnesota and Michigan. My friends are a gift.

Yeah...God has given much. He has poured out his grace and mercy in my undeserving (I guess that's the point of grace, isn't it?) heart. I'm thankful for Jesus. I'm thankful that I'm not the man I would be without him. I'm thankful that he is rescuing me from my own selfishness and greed. I'm thankful that he redeems my bad decisions. And I'm thankful that He guides me into wisdom through His Spirit.

With a full heart...

M@

My Beloved...

Today, Sunday, November 19, 2006, marks the 12th year that we have been married (and the 14th that we've been dating). It seems that the more time we spend together the harder it is to put into words the amazing gift Heidi is to me.

She is the gift of laughter. We enjoy laughing together. It breaks the tension sometimes. It re-energizes us when we're tired. We like to laugh.

She is the gift of freedom. With her, I learn who I am...and I have the freedome to be that man. There is no shame in her company...only love and grace.

She is the gift of friendship. I enjoy her company more than any other person on earth. If I could have dinner with only one person, it would be her - not Bill Bellisheck, not Tiger Woods, not the President...Heidi. I choose to spend as much time with her as possible.

She is the gift of love. It is a love that is true. It's kind. It's gentle. It's gracious. Forgiving. Strong. Good.

Heidi is a gift to me. I could never thank God enough for her. And I pray I get to spend a long life letting her know.

Happy Anniversary, my Beloved...

867

holiday season...

Really? Thanksgiving? Next week? You have to be kidding me! Then...that means...tomorrow...have to go to the store...tomorrow big day...come back for a post tomorrow...

football...

We're a football family. We're not hard core...not chest painting, can't really be glued to the tv with toddlers. But we enjoy watching football and Sundays we don't turn on Wiggles until football is done...it's football day.

Izak has picked up on that. He's asking every day now if it's football day. And he doesn't want to just watch it, either...he's all about playing it. And by playing it, he means carrying a football while I chase him and tackle him. And in his version of football, there's definately tickling.

Something tells me that Brian Urlacker isn't much into tickling when he sacks the QB...

Ted Haggard

I've been watching as the events unfold around the secret life of Ted Haggard. I have some thoughts on it. But as I read this on the blog called Out of Ur, I thought these reflections are as good as could be written. Gordon MacDonald is a man who has lived in places that Ted and his family are about to travel. He speaks from a profound and person experience of failure and grace. Here's what he wrote:

The Haggard Truth: Gordon MacDonald on the lies all-too-easily believed

What are Christian leaders to make of the spectacularly painful experience of watching Ted Haggard this past week? The president of the National Association of Evangelicals and pastor of giga-church New Life Community in Colorado Springs, Colorado, gradually admitted to purchasing methamphetamines and the services of a male prostitute. We asked Leadership editor-at-large Gordon MacDonald to reflect on what we should learn from this episode.

It is difficult beyond description to watch Ted Haggard’s name and face dragged across the TV screen every hour on the news shows. But as my friend, Tony Campolo said in an interview last week, when we spend our lives seizing the microphone to speak to the world of our opinions and judgments, we should not surprised when the system redirects its spotlight to us, justly or unjustly, in our bad moments.

We are still in the process of learning what has actually transpired over the past many months on the secret side of Ted’s life. In just the last few hours the leadership of New Life Church has announced that he has been asked to resign. His ministry at New Life Church and as leader of the NAE is over.

I’ve spent more than a little time trying to understand how and why some men/women in all kinds of leadership get themselves into trouble whether the issues be moral, financial, or the abuse of power and ego. I am no stranger to failure and public humiliation. From those terrible moments of twenty years ago in my own life I have come to believe that there is a deeper person in many of us who is not unlike an assassin.

This deeper person (like a contentious board member) can be the source of attitudes and behaviors we normally stand against in our conscious being. But it seeks to destroy us and masses energies that—unrestrained—tempt us to do the very things we “believe against.” If you have been burned as deeply as I (and my loved ones) have, you never live a day without remembering that there is something within that, left unguarded, will go on the rampage. Wallace Hamilton once wrote, “Within each of us there is a herd of wild horses all wanting to run loose.”

It seems to me that when people become leaders of outsized organizations and movements, when they become famous and their opinions are constantly sought by the media, we ought to begin to become cautious. The very drive that propels some leaders toward extraordinary levels of achievement is a drive that often keeps expanding even after reasonable goals and objectives have been achieved. Like a river that breaks its levy, that drive often strays into areas of excitement and risk that can be dangerous and destructive. Sometimes the drive appears to be unstoppable. This seems to have been the experience of the Older Testament David and his wandering eyes, Uzziah in his boredom, and Solomon with his insatiable hunger for wealth, wives and horses. They seem to have been questing—addictively?—for more thrills or trying to meet deeper personal needs, and the normal ways that satisfy most people became inadequate for them.

When I see a leader who becomes stubborn and rigid, who becomes increasingly less compassionate toward his adversaries, increasingly tyrannical in his own organization, who rouses anger and arrogance in others, I wonder if he is not generating all of this heat because he is trying so hard to say “no” to something surging deep within his own soul. Are his words and deeds not so much directed against an enemy “out there” as they are against a much more cunning enemy within his own soul. More than once I have visited with pastors who have spent hours immersed in pornography and then gone on to preach their most “spirit-filled” sermons against immorality a day or two later. It’s a disconnect that boggles the rational mind.

No amount of accountability seems to be adequate to contain a person living with such inner conflict. Neither can it contain a person who needs continuous adrenalin highs to trump the highs of yesterday. Maybe this is one of the geniuses of Jesus: he knew when to stop, how to refuse the cocktail of privilege, fame and applause that distorts one’s ability to think wisely and to master self.

More than once we’ve seen the truth of a person’s life come out, not all at once, but in a series of disclosures, each an admission of further culpability which had been denied just a day or two before. Perhaps inability to tell the full truth is a sign that one is actually lying to himself and cannot face the full truth of the behavior in his own soul.

But then all sin begins with lies told to oneself. The cardinal lies of a failed leader? I give and give and give in this position; I deserve special privileges—perhaps even the privilege of living above the rules. Or, I have enough charm and enough smooth words that I can talk anything (even my innocence) into reality. Or, so much of my life is lived above the line of holiness that I can be excused this one little faux pas. Or, I have done so much for these people; now it’s their time to do something for me—like forgiving me and giving a second chance.

I am heart-broken for Ted Haggard and his wife and family. I cannot imagine the torture they are living through at this very moment. Toppled from national esteem and regard in a matter of hours, they must adjust to wondering who their real friends are now. They have to be asking how these events—known by the world—will affect their children. Mrs. Haggard will not be able to go the local WalMart without wondering who she may bump into when she turns into Aisle 3 (A reporter? A church member? A critic?). Both Haggards will face cameras every time they emerge from their home in the next few days until the media finds another person with whom to have its sport.

The travel, the connections, the interviews, the applause of the congregation, the organizational power, the perks and privileges, the honor: gone! The introit to people of position/power: gone! The opportunity to say an influential word each day into the lives of teachable younger people: gone! The certainty that God has anointed one for such a time as this: gone? And what will grow each day is the numbing realization of regret and loss. In time they will be approached by people who will say in one way or another, “I used to trust you, but what you’ve done has made me very angry….you’ve turned my son away from the gospel….I thought I knew you, but I guess I didn’t.” It will be a long time before either of the Haggards feel safe again. Suffering over this will last most of a lifetime even after some sort of restoration is rendered. How I wish this could all be lifted from them.

Perhaps there will come a day down the pathway when there will be some kind of return to influence. But right now it is—or should be—a long way in the distance.

Among my prayers is that the leadership of New Life Church will not assume that “restoration” means getting Ted back into the pulpit as soon as possible. The worst thing in the world would be to raise his hopes that just because he models a contrite spirit he can return to public life in the near future. He, for his own sake, must take a long time to work through the causative factors in this situation. He will not resolve whatever is wrong in his own soul by going back to work. He and his wife must set aside a long, long time to allow their personal relationship to heal. Forgiveness is a long healing, not a momentary one. And there are those five children. Thinking of them makes me want to weep. And then there are countless people in and beyond their church who must take a long time to figure out what all of this means. No, the worst things Ted’s friends and overseers can do is to try and bring him back from this prematurely. The best thing they can do is ask him to retreat into silence with those he loves the most and listen—to God, to trusted elders.

The statement issued by the NAE Executive Committee late Friday afternoon seems flat to me. It appears to have been written by savvy PR people who wanted to say all the nice and appropriate things which might mollify the media and cause no heartburn for the lawyers. The burden of the statement seems to be that the NAE is already on to the question of who the next leader will be. The fact is that, all too often, we have seen the President of NAE on the news and talk shows speaking as the leader of so-called 33 million evangelicals. I’m not sure that most of us were polled as to whether or not we wanted Ted Haggard (or anyone) speaking for us. I know that last time I felt safe about anyone speaking for evangelicals as a whole was when Billy Graham talked on our behalf. But, as of late, an illusion was permitted to grow: that the NAE was a well-organized, highly networked movement of American evangelicals headed by Ted Haggard who, when he spoke, spoke for all of us. Now, unfortunately, that voice has misspoken, and our movement has to live with the consequences.

I have a fairly poor batting average when it comes to predicting the future. But my own sense is that the NAE (as we know it) will probably not recover from this awful moment. Should it? Leaders of various NAE constituencies are likely to believe that their fortunes are better served by new and fresher alliances.

Ever since the beginning of the Bush administration, I have worried over the tendency of certain Evangelical personalities to go public every time they visited the White House or had a phone conference with an administration official. I know it has wonderful fund-raising capabilities. And I know the temptation to ego-expansion when one feels that he has the ear of the President. But the result is that we are now part of an evangelical movement that is greatly compromised….identified in the eyes of the public as deep in the hip pockets of the Republican party and administration. My own belief? Our movement has been used. There are hints that the movement—once cobbled together by Billy Graham and Harold Ockenga—is beginning to fragment because it is more identified by a political agenda that seems to be failing and less identified by a commitment to Jesus and his kingdom. Like it or not, we are pictured as those who support war, torture, and a go-it-alone (bullying) posture in international relationships. Any of us who travel internationally have tasted the global hostility toward our government and the suspicion that our President’s policies reflect the real tenants of Evangelical faith. And I might add that there is considerable disillusionment on the part of many of our Christian brothers/sisters in other countries who are mystified as to where American evangelicals are in all of this. Our movement may have its Supreme Court appointments, but it may also have compromised its historic center of Biblical faith. Is it time to let the larger public know that some larger-than-life evangelical personalities with radio and TV shows do not speak for all of us?

And so I pray: Lord and Father, how sad you must be when you see the most powerful and the weakest of your children fall prey to the energy of sin and evil. There is nothing any one has ever done that we –each of us—is not capable of doing. So when we pray for our brother, Ted Haggard, we pray not out of pity or self-righteousness but with a humble spirit because we stand with him on level ground before the cross. Father, give this man and his wife the gift of your grace. Protect them from the constant accusations of the evil one who will seek to deny them sleep, tempt them to talk too much to the public, arouse conflict between them as a couple and with their children. Send the right people into their lives who can provide the correct mixture of hope and healing love. Deliver them from people who will curry their favor by telling them things they should not hear. Restrain them from making poor judgments in their most fearful moments.

Lord, be present to the leaders and people of the New Life Church. And to the NAE leadership which has to live with the side-effects of this tragedy. And to people in the evangelical tradition who are wondering today who they can trust. What more can we pray for? You know all things. We so very little. Amen.

go, Tigers...and more...

or it might be less...

I've stopped drinking Diet Coke for a little while. Doing something with a friend. Don't know when I'll pick it up again, but for now, I'm dry. Sure, I can drink other drinks...but there's nothing like a cold diet coke on a cold fall day...ahhh...

There are times when I get Diet Coke "saturated"...I start to feel it in terms of being tired more than I should and it just doesn't taste as good. So with this little hiatus, I think I've got a good energy level back and I'm sure it will taste good when I drink it again.

I may stay off caffein altogether. I'm not making any pledges or anything, but we'll see;-)

Heidi and I have been watching season 2 of Scrubs...perhaps the best show on tv. It is totally under-rated. I love the writing and the characters are well-developed. Rent it at the library and give it a try.

Levi is about to enter the world of the walking. He's taking a few steps at a time now. Life is about to get busy for us! The problem is, he's not much for taking a bonk on the noggen. So...when he falls, it usually involves crying. Oh, well...he'll toughen up one way or another.

My sister and her family are coming for a visit this weekend. Just a quickie, but it will be great to see them. I love seeing the boys...and Izak idolizes his cousins. Very fun to see.

I don't feel good about any of my choices for governor of IL. I'm usually right in there when it comes to voting and politics...this is the first time my stomache has turned to the point I don't feel good about making a choice. Not even sure who to write in...Here's to Mickey Mouse!

Well...there's a little brain dump for the morning. Back to work...

Peace,

M@

can't keep up...

Just keeping up with life these days is keeping me busy...thus not much by way of posting.

As of today, all of our children have an age...no one is "zero" any more -- that's how Izak described Levi. But today, our youngest turns one...incredible!

A couple days ago, our oldest, Izak, turned 4. He's such a little boy, now...past toddler, that's for sure. I love interacting with him, laughing with him, and talking with him. He's a gift.

We had a party on Sunday. Both of the boys were celebrated by friends and family. What a gift to have a growing community here who will share life and party with us.

I stayed up late Monday to watch the Bears. Though I'm dead tired now, it was worth it to see that game. Fun to be in Chicago this year...so far.

There's a quick update.

Peace,

M@

breaks=good

Yeah...was driving home from the store this morning when I sensed a lot of play in the breaks of my car. Play...as in they didn't work...you should have seen the face of the lady in the minivan on the corner...

couple hours late, I'm back on the road...driving AND breaking!

Being The Church

Catalytic Conversations: A beautiful and messy kingdom.

By Marshall Shelley on Mission

Leadership editor Marshall Shelley is in Atlanta this week for the Catalyst Conference, where 9,000 mostly younger leaders of churches are meeting to discuss ministry in today’s culture. Here’s his first report.

Right now I’m sitting in the balcony of the Performing Arts Center, where in a few minutes an informal “unplugged” session will feature a conversation between neo-church pastors Chris Seay of Ecclesia in Houston and Rick McKinley of Imago Dei Community Church in Portland, Oregon, and a Rwandan pastor whose name I don’t know.

To the crowd of 300 or so, he [McKinley] offered a concise and provocative discussion of the relationship of the church to the Kingdom of God. This was theology, imminently practical theology.

“As pastors, we are tempted to build the church,” he said. “So we send out postcards to targeted Zip codes and we promote church programs.” But that misses the point, he argued. “Our job isn’t to build the church. We’re supposed to BE the church, and build the kingdom.” He emphasized that the kingdom is to be experienced NOW, on earth, as Christians exemplify godly living, but he also pointed out, as the recent school shootings demonstrate, that the kingdom is also “not yet.” God’s kingdom won’t be realized in its fullness as long as such sin characterizes our world.

He identified why many U.S. churches don’t “get” the kingdom. The first reason is our individualistic culture. Ours is a “me and Jesus” spiritual life, disconnected from Creation, environment, relationships, and our surrounding community. Another reason is our tendency toward dualism: church vs. culture; sacred vs. secular; spiritual vs. physical. And ignoring the integration of those elements.

McKinley acknowledges the importance of Christ’s atonement for the forgiveness of individuals, but as he emphasized, “The best expression of the church is NOT what happens on Sunday morning. It’s what happens in the world during the week. And that’s not something you can market.”

His most provocative statements focused on the Christian’s calling to love their neighbors, even if those neighbors don’t respond to Christ or clean up their act. He told of his church’s messy efforts to love those with addictions, mental illnesses, and other conditions that aren’t easily cleaned up.

“We’re not called to change people’s behavior; we’re called to love them whether they change or not. It’s up to God to change them.”

After the lab, hallway conversations were discussing how you can “love the addicted” without “enabling” their dysfunction and thus perpetuating their addiction.

If this is indicative of the level of conversation, this year’s Catalyst is embracing both theology and practice, and getting to the heart of the Christian calling.
*************
What do you think?

new member of the family...

For the past many years, we've been having trouble with our minivan. We've thought that this repair will be the one that fixes the problems. Then two months later, it's another thing that's taking money from the bank account.

It's just been too much. So yesterday, we got rid of the trouble and took advantage of 0% financing on a new Dodge Caravan. It's red and has the basics we were looking for.

We haven't always done car-buying well for one reason or another. But this time, I think we did it right...we sought godly counsel, prayed, researched, walked away a few times, and made a good decision. We've learned from past mistakes and applied them in this situation. I'm pleased with the process, as long as it was.

I wanted to just get it done earlier so we could move on. I also thought about getting a very upgraded one...with all the bells and whistles. But you know what? Those bells and whistles don't make it any more than just a van to drive around in. And they cost us a lot more...the ability to enjoy a few dates a month, the flexibility for Heidi to not work if she needs to call off, saving, and giving. Those costs just aren't worth it so us. So we made a good choice.

Maybe I'll get a picture up sometime here...

M@

catching up...

mostly...It's been a crazy week or so. Here's a rundown with potential commentatry...

- I can't stand the Yankees...but the multiple post is more of a reflection of my own impatience in not waiting for blogger to download before I tell it to try again;-) Though, in case I didn't make my point clearly...I can't stand the Yankees!

- Heidi, the kids, and I traveled to Michigan last Thursday to be with her family and for the the memorial service to honor Grandma Bennett. It went well. The kids did great in the van (with dvd players!).

- The service on Saturday went well. Grandma was honored. The family was comforted. And God was lifted up as the giver of life. I was glad to be a part of it.

- On the drive to Michigan, I got a call that Mrs. Nguyen (pronounced 'win') died. She has been a part of Northwest for several years and has been living with her daughter and son-in-law, who are Northwesters, too. Her funeral would be Sunday afternoon.

- Mrs. Nguyen's and the Doan's small group stepped up during this time. Even though I was not there, they were well cared for. That's community, baby! I love to see that at work.

- After the memorial service in Michigan, I hopped in my mil's yellow VW Beetle and drove to Chicago (hey, it gets great mileage as a diesel 5-speed) in time for the viewing. It was a neat time to connect with the family and plan for the service on Sunday.

- Sunday morning was special, too. Northwest is helping a new Korean church by letting them use our space Sunday afternoons. The congregation was introduced to Pastor Choi and his family during the 1030 worship gathering. People were excited. Rev. Choi and his family gave us a gift in song...they played and sang Nearer My God To Thee. Even though the words were in Korean, the Spirit of unity was present and was a gift to us. Very cool.

- The afternoon funeral went well. Another cultural experience as Mrs. Nguyen and her family are Vietnamese. It was very special.

- After that service and a brief stop at the dinner prepared, I went hopped back into the VW and drove back to Michigan to get my family. I laid down to sleep by 2am and got to sleep until about 7 when I woke up to kiss on the cheek by my oldest son...what a great way to wake up...

- We were on the road by 10am and heading back to Chicago. We beat rush-hour traffic in the city and where playing in our own back yard by 3.

- Since that time, we've been examining the options of getting a new van. Ours has had regular trouble and we're done dealing with it. I think we found something that will work...but we're still praying for wisdom and God's leadership in this process.

So...that's the scoop. It's been a whirlwind for sure...but very good, too. I'm excited about the cross-cultural implications of supporting Good News Church (the Korean congregation) as they reach a group of people in our community that Northwest never will. I love that. We/I will learn much, no doubt.

Thanks for praying for us during the past week.

Peace,

Matt

I hate...

...the Yankees...not personally...but as a team. I hate that they can buy themselves out of a management crisis. I hate that it works just about every year.

I also hate that the Red Sox rolled over and played dead since August. Come on, Theo...what will the costume be this year?

So this post-season, guess who I'm pulling for? Anyone playing those dang Yankees!!

M@

I hate...

...the Yankees...not personally...but as a team. I hate that they can buy themselves out of a management crisis. I hate that it works just about every year.

I also hate that the Red Sox rolled over and played dead since August. Come on, Theo...what will the costume be this year?

So this post-season, guess who I'm pulling for? Anyone playing those dang Yankees!!

M@

I hate...

...the Yankees...not personally...but as a team. I hate that they can buy themselves out of a management crisis. I hate that it works just about every year.

I also hate that the Red Sox rolled over and played dead since August. Come on, Theo...what will the costume be this year?

So this post-season, guess who I'm pulling for? Anyone playing those dang Yankees!!

M@

random thoughts...

I'm not even sure they qualify as thoughts, but here goes...

- what a great time this past weekend! What a gift for me to baptize Dennie during our worship gathering. She's a lady who is turned on in her faith and excited to follow Jesus. Right after she was baptized, her son, Sean, was, too. I love this stuff!!

- After worship, a bunch of Northwesters had a party. We grilled, played, jumped, ate, chased kids, got to know new friends and reconnected with old ones. It was a good day.

- Tomorrow Heidi, the kids, and I will head to Michigan for the memorial for Heidi's grandmother. It will be a special time with family, no doubt.

- Kevin's gone for a month on a sabbatical. It's about 2 years behind schedule for him, but it's well-deserved and (I hope) profitable for him. It will be strange not having him around for the month.

- one fantasy football team is doing quite well (2nd place) and other stinks (last place). I made some roster changes and we should be in good shape for this coming weekend.

After a late night elders' meeting, that's all I got...

Peace,

M@

sacred moment

...and the little immigrant girl was ushered into the presence of the King. And for the first time, she saw His face clearly. She saw His smile. She knew His love without hinderance. And the little girl knew she was Home.

Good-bye, Grandma. It's been a long trip...but you're home.

quickie...

Several thoughts about several things...probably not much actually useful...we'll see...

- Heidi, the kids, and I will be driving to Bay City, MI tomorrow after worship. Grandma rallied a couple weeks ago, but seems to be making her final leg of the journey through this world. There are some things worth saying before that times comes. So we travel...

- Some great stuff is going on at Northwest. God's grace is showing up huge, which is always awesome! We'll be baptizing a couple people next weekend...I love that! There are some things that are a real challenge...but the dirty little secret is that I even love the hard stuff! I guess you'd say I found my niche...

- I've got two fantasy football teams. It happened sort of fast, but I like it and we're doing two. I plan on winning both...with one hand tied behind my back...just in case any of my oponents are check in on me here...be scared.

- I'm frustrated that the Red Sox have laid such a big turd on the end of their season. It was theirs to lose...and they are. And on top of that...I hate the Yankees...arghhh.

- Played nine holes this morning with a neighbor. It was good to get out and swing the club. I swung it a few too many times...but it was still fun. There's a cheap cow pasture down the road from us...good times.

- I'm listening to Levi jumping in his crib. He's nuts! Very charming, but nuts. He's standing...even a little without support. I keep trying to push him down, but he stands up anyway...punk.

- Heidi rocks as a wife. Just thought I'd put that in there. She really does.

- Kevin's a great partner in ministry. I'm glad he's here...and that I'm here, too. We work hard together...I think it's good. Props to you, Mr. Parido...

- I like ice cream. My kids like ice cream. Not sure if it's dna...or that ice cream is just good.

- I'm having a hard time getting over a little hump in my weight goals. Down 29 pounds for 2 weeks now...pushing...hard...for...30. But humps like this are a part of the process. I'm not discouraged, just addicted to meeting my goals! The running is going well. I'm running over 3 miles without passing out! I'm not breaking any land speed records, but hey...I'm still chubby and I'm out there tearing it up.

- I love that it's football season. Colder weather. fun games. My wife is an animal about football...I love that, too. Go Pats! Go State!

I've said my piece. Tomorrow as a part of worship, we will take some time to remember September 11, 2001. We will also pray for those who work hard to protect us daily. Should be a special time. It's not the whole service, but I think it's important for us to remember.

Peace,

M@

...at what cost?

I'm an optimist. It's a disease (thanks, Patty) at times. And I tend to dream big. "Dream big" can mean any number of things depending on the situation, but it usually involved going for something that is "impossible." And on top of that, I believe one of the ways that God has gifted me through His Spirit is with eyes of faith -- I see Him at work even when others might miss it.

I started dreaming big about Northwest before we even hit the ground 19 months ago. I believe that God is desiring to use us to reach our community with the profound message of love, grace, and hope through Jesus. That's my assumption in moving forward.

Shortly after beginning work here, I would daydream (not necessarily Spirit-led) about a different building...something with more visibility (how many conversations I've had with people who had no idea a church was where we are), cooler look/feel, and more room to grow numerically. As I drive home each day, I pass by such a building. It's a big, sqare, brick, box of a building. Perfect. I've fantacized about that building for about 18 of the last 19 months. Someday, it would be great if that put that building up for sale...you know, in a few years when we'll be looking to move or build or something.

Then it happened. I was leaving the office one Saturday afternoon, allowing my fantasy to take hold in my mind. Turning the corner, I shouted outloud to no one in particular, "Oh, NO!!!" There is was. a real estate sign in the front of the building. No, not now...we're not ready. I'm not ready. It's too soon...

I thought more about it. I talked with God about it. My mind often wandered. I called the agent who said they were simply leasing the space...but try making an offer and see what happens. I fantacized some more. Tried to dismiss it. Couldn't.

The other day, I was driving by and the doors were open. It's a sing...go in, Matt. So I did. It was even more perfect than I thought it would be. So many of the ideas I had in my head would work perfectly in that building. Crap!! To the guy with me, I jokingly referred to it as "pastor porn" - something I would fantasize about but only to be distracted, never to be satisfied.

I thought. I prayed. I desired. I came up with a plan as to how we could actually make it work. And I honestly think we could. But then, as clear as day, the Spirit said this...you could do it, but then you'll have to care a lot about stuff that you don't have to care much about right now. Namely, I would have to care a lot about money -- who is giving, where we are tight, how much more we need. I'd start to think of new people in terms of giving. I'd start to cast vision, not to lead people, but to increase giving. I'd teach about money and finances in order to get more, not to lead the people into greater faithfulness and trust in God. I could do it...but at what cost?

Yeah...it's a great building. It would be great for us in many ways. But my dream is so much bigger than a building. It's not what a church looks like, my dreams are about what a church is becoming...who the people are. I care a lot about those things. those are the things I want keeping me up at night.

Doesn't mean we won't ever go for things like a bigger and more useful building. But that's probably a ways off. There's a way that I want us to do life together...and I'm not willing to give that up...that's too much of a cost for me.

Peace,

M@