...at what cost?

I'm an optimist. It's a disease (thanks, Patty) at times. And I tend to dream big. "Dream big" can mean any number of things depending on the situation, but it usually involved going for something that is "impossible." And on top of that, I believe one of the ways that God has gifted me through His Spirit is with eyes of faith -- I see Him at work even when others might miss it.

I started dreaming big about Northwest before we even hit the ground 19 months ago. I believe that God is desiring to use us to reach our community with the profound message of love, grace, and hope through Jesus. That's my assumption in moving forward.

Shortly after beginning work here, I would daydream (not necessarily Spirit-led) about a different building...something with more visibility (how many conversations I've had with people who had no idea a church was where we are), cooler look/feel, and more room to grow numerically. As I drive home each day, I pass by such a building. It's a big, sqare, brick, box of a building. Perfect. I've fantacized about that building for about 18 of the last 19 months. Someday, it would be great if that put that building up for sale...you know, in a few years when we'll be looking to move or build or something.

Then it happened. I was leaving the office one Saturday afternoon, allowing my fantasy to take hold in my mind. Turning the corner, I shouted outloud to no one in particular, "Oh, NO!!!" There is was. a real estate sign in the front of the building. No, not now...we're not ready. I'm not ready. It's too soon...

I thought more about it. I talked with God about it. My mind often wandered. I called the agent who said they were simply leasing the space...but try making an offer and see what happens. I fantacized some more. Tried to dismiss it. Couldn't.

The other day, I was driving by and the doors were open. It's a sing...go in, Matt. So I did. It was even more perfect than I thought it would be. So many of the ideas I had in my head would work perfectly in that building. Crap!! To the guy with me, I jokingly referred to it as "pastor porn" - something I would fantasize about but only to be distracted, never to be satisfied.

I thought. I prayed. I desired. I came up with a plan as to how we could actually make it work. And I honestly think we could. But then, as clear as day, the Spirit said this...you could do it, but then you'll have to care a lot about stuff that you don't have to care much about right now. Namely, I would have to care a lot about money -- who is giving, where we are tight, how much more we need. I'd start to think of new people in terms of giving. I'd start to cast vision, not to lead people, but to increase giving. I'd teach about money and finances in order to get more, not to lead the people into greater faithfulness and trust in God. I could do it...but at what cost?

Yeah...it's a great building. It would be great for us in many ways. But my dream is so much bigger than a building. It's not what a church looks like, my dreams are about what a church is becoming...who the people are. I care a lot about those things. those are the things I want keeping me up at night.

Doesn't mean we won't ever go for things like a bigger and more useful building. But that's probably a ways off. There's a way that I want us to do life together...and I'm not willing to give that up...that's too much of a cost for me.

Peace,

M@