Milestone...

In one of my last posts, I mentioned that I'm making some lifestyle changes that should impact my health, girth, and longevity. In that, I also mentioned that I tend to be pretty sheepish about the whole thing. As I've thought more about that, I think I tend to be sheepish in part because I make bad choices and feel a certain amount of shame. I'm not proud of my weight...so I tend to either joke about it (if I can call myself fat, then your observation can be deflected) or avoid it.

I'm still not proud of my weight...it should never have gotten here. A friend posted on his blog that he stepped on his scale and it read 247. He decided to do something about that because his scale only went to 250. My answer is...time for a new scale!

But I've been adjusting several things in my life. And I am proud of that.

If someone is addicted to alcohol...they can just avoid drinking it for the rest of their life. In the same way, most people who are addicted to something can choose to just avoid it. But if you're addicted to food (using it for something other than nurishment), you can't just stop eating...at least you shouldn't. You have to eat. So it forces some issues that are unique. But I'm making different choices...and feel the grip of food loosening. Like the guy at AA who introduces himself as an alcoholic even though he's been dry for 23 years, I must always face the demons in my closet and cannot open the door any further than I absolutely have to. I'm encouraged by the progress there.

I've been running (actaully, jogging and walking)...working my way up to a 5k run. I'm encouraged by my progress. Today, I had a good run...went for over 25 minutes without walking. I thought I was doing great...until I was lapped by a guy clearly in his 50s...oh well...pretty good for the chubby guy who just started (see...it can be effective at dodging stuff). But I'm encouraged.

And when I stepped on the scale this morning for my official Monday morning weigh-in...I passed a huge mile marker for me...I've lost over 20 pounds! There is a whole lot more to go...but that was a biggie for me.

It's hard work. I don't always see the progress that I want. But I'm seeing results...and that will keep me coming back. I know there's a wall coming here sometime, but I plan to bust through and keep going.

At this point, I weigh less (barely) than I did when I arrived here...

I share that to give you a little glimpse of something that I'm encouraged by. I also know there are people reading this who shared with me their desire to take some of the same steps. So I write this to say, "Press on!" It's worth it.

Peace,

Matt

ambition...

Is ambition consistent with following Jesus?

That was the question posed last night in our Small Group. Frankly, I'm a little torn about the answer.

It seems like the picture of Christianity in the church often is very docile...nice guys sitting in a room together doing whatever seems to come up. But I'm not sure this is the picture of Jesus. I think Jesus was very ambitious...he knew that he had a limited amount of time to accomplish His Father's will...which led him to the cross.

But in my mind, ambition often leads one to greater and greater achievement, responsibility, and the attention of others. Jesus' ambition drove him to a disgraceful death. Yes his life was filled with strategic investment of time and energy.

So, in some ways, ambition seems very consistent with following Jesus. Yet not a selfish ambition (which is the point I think James is making in James chapter 3 of the New Testament). It's an ambition to please the Father.

Ambition people make intentional, strategic decisions in how they spend time, money, energy. For example, great athletes spend everything on acheiving greatness in their field...everything they do moves them in that direction.

What would it look like for a follow of Jesus to be so ambitious that everything they did moved them close to Christ and the will of the Father? What if all my time, energy, money...everything was for that one goal?

I think that would be pretty ambition, don't you?

I'm a pretty driven person. I wrestle with that a lot in my own spirit. There are parts of that drive that aren't healthy. But some of that is just born in me. Understanding godly ambition means that I get to be who God made me to be by letting His Spirit harness it for His purposes, not my own.

That's good news to me...

Peace,

Matt

thought spatter...

There are many things on my mind these days...here's a spattering of them...

- Several words of encouragement on the weigh-loss front. Thanks. I spend much of my time being encouraged about the process. Yesterday's "official" weigh-in didn't turn out as well as previous weeks. I checked again today and it's much better. I don't get too yanked about specifics, but I watch trends...trends are good. I'm running a lot more than walking these days. I feel the difference.

- I felt like crap on Sunday. Things came together well except my stuff. Not sure what it was, but I felt like my message presentation was one of the worst that I can remember. And for those of you who remember worse...go ahead and keep that to yourself;-) There were several high points, but I was heavy with a lot of discouragement about my own contribution to the gathering. I don't like that at all. Again, I'm putting this out there for the sake of transparency, not to get any kind of response. My hunch is that sometimes people don't realize that leaders/pastors can get discouraged, too. I don't go there often, but...this Sunday was a doozy!

- I think it's great that Tiger won the British Open. He's an amazing golfer and I love to watch him work. I loved the rare glimpse at the friendship between him and his caddie, Steve. Even the best of performers/leaders/athletes need someone to lean on at significant moments. Good on you, Tiger! Now quick crying and get back to work;-)

- Heidi works so hard at home. I can't tell you how much I appreciate her. Day in and day out, she answers the same mundate questions that numb the brain. She wipes away tears. She laughs at silly things. She breaks up fights before they escalate. She feeds. And she does it all with an amazing spirit. Heidi is amazing!

- I'm sitting in my office staring down another crazy week. Here goes...

Peace,

Matt

touching base...

Didn't log in with anything specific in mind to write about. So I'm going to ramble for a minute and see if anything comes out...

I've been doing some great heart learning lately. God has used some challenging circumstances to highlight some things within me. Though these reflections aren't always easy to see/hear...they are providing me insight into myself so that I can change patterns that I'm not comfortable with. I know it's sort of ambiguous, but specifics aren't important.

I'm a little leary to put this out there. So I'll do the disclaimer first. I'm pretty sensitive to issues pertaining to my girth. I joke...but that's generally so that people know that I know that I'm too fat...humor is good that way;-) I also have appropriate people in positions of accountability and encouragement...so I don't share this in the hopes that people everywhere I go will comment on my eating habits. And finally, I don't share this so that anyone will be watching for progress and feel the need to comment.

So why am I writing this? Because I'm excited about it...it's a big piece of my learning and development at this point...and maybe somehow, I can encourage others.

I hit the wall about 5 weeks ago. I've been there before, but various stresses like new children, looking for a new job, moving, etc. captured more of my attention than my health. But a little bit of margin snuck into my life, allowing me to look more closely at choices that I've been making. And I just wasn't happy. That's the wall...I've had enough. It's actually a good place to be because it motivates change much more effectively than guilt and shame.

I began a change in my eating habits. There are some things that I just don't eat anymore...maybe when I was 50 pounds lighter and much younger it was ok. They just aren't ok any more. Though I will miss some of my old friends...they weren't good friends, so I'm better off without them. So my eating is different. I'm not going to share the plan...but I do have a plan. If you want more details, let me know.

I'm also exercising 4-5 times per week. I was motivated by a friend from college (shout out to don!). He connected me with coolrunning.com and the couch-to-5k running plan. In 9 weeks, anyone can go from couch potato to running 5k without stopping. I took the challenge and am in week 6...I skipped a little because it was just too slow at first. But I'm trying to pace myself so I don't blow me knees. So far so good.

I've turned the corner to the point where I feel better on the days I run than on the days I don't. That's a good feeling and part of what makes it worth it.

Why did I do this?

1. I want to raise my own children if at all possible. I know I could still get hit by a bus, but I'm not going to let my heart stop my parenting.

2. There is no way I'm going to let Heidi marry that doctor!!! I'm keeping her for myself!!

3. There is no way I can teach about self-control and discipline if I obviously don't have much. It's a spiritual matter.

4. God gave me this body. I'm not treating it very well. Sorry about that, God.

5. I'm too cheap to by new and bigger clothes. If I get the "big boy" clothes, they cost more. I'm too cheap.

6. I work hard. I can't afford to be tired and drained in my day. I need to make too many decisions that impact people. I need to manage my energy in the most effective way possible.

So, there are many reasons. I've got goals. I've got a plan. I'm working the plan and meeting the goals. I'm encouraged...and I haven't even lost enough weight for anyone to really even notice. But I do and I keep telling Heidi every Monday when I weigh in...

Anyway...that's a bit of my life. I think I'm good with sharing that...too late now!

Peace,

Matt

Life is...

“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body. But rather, to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming: WOW, What A Ride!"

Got this off a friend's blog...great quote!

M@

Climate Change - more

I reflected on global climate change a few posts back. I've continued to think about the issue and would like to download some of those thoughts...

- (this is a Heidi thought) It seems like the Church is getting on board with creation care stuff. For the most part, I think that's great. For example, at Northwest, we use mugs instead of styrofoam cups -- cheaper and better on creation. But the Church is never good at moderation -- she tends to drink in excess at various wells. In the past, instead of challenging Christ-followers to think about issues pertaining to alcohol, she simply said that it was sin to drink. It's possible that we may see the same thing when it comes to creation care in the future. "Do you recycle?" "No." "Hmmm...you sure you're right with God?" I can see it now...

- Earth is a big planet. The solar system is a mammoth system with wide variety and dynamic causes/effects. It's a dynamic system in which we live. There is no such thing as constant temperatures. There is pretty solid evidence to suggest that the plant was much cooler than it is now as well as much hotter than it is now. There were glaciers and tropics in Pennsylvania. Climate change is a part of life on the big blue ball.

- The questions that remain (and are attached to opinion/agendas more than science) involve the rate of climate change and the causes of said rates. There is limited capability for conclusively determining these things. And it certainly requires more than a 50 year spread of research.

- The climate change issue is still tied largely to our own comfort and ultimate preservation. I'm faily interested in my survival and that of my species, so don't get me wrong. But altuism seems to stop when the conversation turns from caring for creation to preserving the way of life as we know it now. The "big scare" from the Al Gore trailer is that we'll lose a bunch of coastline in the world. Granted, that's a huge thing...but just because people will need to move inland doesn't mean that we're all doomed. Especially in America. That is a harder venture for poor nations. But it's not really the end of the world for us to have to adjust the way we do life. And keep in mind, this is just one paragraph and simply a reflection of my personal thoughts...it's not science...it's just reflection.

- I had the chance to talk with someone who is a scientist and, though not directly involved with issues of climate change, is pretty informed and well-read on the subject because it impacts his sphere of study. In short, he knows a heck of a lot more than me and has a good basis for his opinion. I enjoyed that conversation and am glad we had it. Here are some thoughts from that conversation:

- sometimes recycling does more harm than good. I put my plastic in a blue box. It gets picked up by a guy driving a huge truck, which runs on fuel. My plastic then needst to be driven to a recycling center to be processed. How much fuel was used to trasport my plastic? What are the emissions from that truck? If I didn't recycle, they wouldn't use that extra truck and cause those extra emmissions. Is it worth it? For me, it probably is. The truck that picks up my recycling drivings less than five miles to the center. In my area, it's probably worth it. In other areas, it's probably far less worth it. It's worth thinking about. How far does your recycling have to go? Is that worth it for you?

- this guy affirmed some of my thoughts about the big earth and the dynamics that have been in play for many many years.

- sometimes we respond to creation more to make ourselves feel better than to do what is really best for creation. For example, the recycling scenario where it produces more emmissions to drive the material to the recycling center...but we feel better for putting out Sunday paper in the blue box and don't think about the impact of the big trucks that drive the stuff.

Again, these are all just thoughts and reflections. I'm not a scientist. I don't plan to make a movie or run for President. It's a conversation that I have the luxury of having because no one in my family is dying of AIDS or disentary, I have clean water to drink, and relative safety in my community.

Peace,

Matt

Vacations don't exist...

Yeah, the word "vacation" has been stricken from our vocabulary. They are not just trips. Vacation carries the connotation of rest, refreshment, and down time...at least it does for me. Before we had kids, Heidi and I would vacation in Vermont -- a great little inn near Rutland. We would read, sleep, eat, walk, sit in the hot tub...and do it all over again. My pulse slows down a bit just remembering it.

But this past week was spent on the road in another kind of adventure. Heidi, Rachel (a friend from Buffalo), and the kids went to West Michigan on Friday. They spent time playing with cousins and going to the beach. After worship on Sunday, I took a train north to catch up with them.

On Tuesday, July 4, we drove across the state and Canada and arrived in Buffalo, NY in fine time. We were given the gift of staying in the house we used to own in Hamburg. The new residents are friends and were planning to be out of town for the week, so they very graciously gave us the opportunity to stay there.

The first night was very shakey. The kids didn't sleep well. The parents didn't sleep well. Frankly, we debated packing up and going home at that point...that's how rough it felt during the night. We were kept in town by our love for our friends and a golf date that I had in the morning.

The rest of the nights went better. We made some adjustments on sleeping arrangements in the 2-bedroom home. That meant that Izak and Dad slept in the living room -- Izak on the floor and Dad on the couch. Decent sleep was had by all.

We spent most of our days at the Musielak pad. Rick and Carrie are soul-mate friends. It was a gift to simply share space with them. They have 2.9 kids, who loved playing with our 3...that was fun to watch. Much swinging was done by all!

We would venture out to catch up with a few other friends. It's a pretty small group of people that we spend much time with. Not because we try to leave people out, but because we have only so much energy and time. Many people there are close to our hearts, but our capacity is limited. That's hard for me (not speaking for Heidi).

We made it to Sunday morning, when we went to Hamburg Wesleyan, where I used to serve on staff. I love the people there. I left because of God's lead, not because of any hard feelings or frustrations. Walking into the place was a bit like coming home to me.

There is a large open area...foyer...called the "fellowship mall." Heidi and I put hte kids in their classes and began to connect with people again. It was such a gift to spend those few hours quickly touching base. Offering a word of encouragement here. Receiving a word of encouragement there.

I'm not a hugger. I put that right out there when I got to Northwest...who has respected that;-) But in case Northwest-ers think I am not a hugger just for them, be assured that I've never been a hugger. No less than 200 times did someone at Hamburg say, "I know you're not a hugger, but can I...?" It made me laugh...

It is a gift to have been a part of God's work at Hamburg. It is a gift to have so many loving people who welcome us and continue to pray for us. If you're part of that group...know that you are loved, missed, and appreciated for the time we shared.

After church, we jumped in the van and made a bee-line for home. We made Chicago in just under 8 hours. Then ran into traffic -- people returning from vacations, White Sox/BoSox game, and construction. Took some time to get through all that. So we made it to our driveway in just over 9 hours...not bad at all with three kids and an unimpressive bladder (mine)!

Now comes the chore of recalibrating to life at home. We'll all be off for a few days or a week...we'll see.

It's good to be here. Do I miss my friends in Buffalo? Deeply. But even more than that is my desire to obedient to my Master. He has given me the gift of loving and being loved well in Hamburg, NY. He's giving me that opportunity now in IL. Rarely do people experience that kind of goodness in one place. I have been given that gift in many.

It's a long post. But that's the gist of what's been happening for the past week.

Peace,

Matt

family away...

Heidi and the kids (and Rache) are in Michigan tonight. They left this morning and made good time getting there. Sounds like the kids are stoked to be with the cousins again!

I'm staying back to get some work done at church and around the house. I've got tonight, tomorrow, and most of Sunday to be alone. I miss them.

It's also a good time to catch up on movies that Heidi doesn't want to see. Not sure where to begin...I think I'm going to watch X-Men and X-Men 2...can't go see 3 in the theater until I'm up to speed.

Getting some good stuff done in the office. I like getting stuff done.

Will take my first train ride ever on Sunday. Should be nice. But I like driving. Do you think they'll let me drive?

Yeah...I don't either.

See ya'

Matt

catching up...

Had a busy but nice weekend.

Spent most of Saturday celebrating the wedding of a daughter of some new friends. It was a wonderful afternoon and evening visiting, learning more about friends, and being together. The kids were at home with some of their favorite people (charlotte and the boys...sounds like a gang of some sort). That means it was time for Heidi and me to walk and hold hands, talk about whatever came to our minds, and enjoy some incredible scenery.

Sunday was Father's Day...what a nice day it was. I work on Sundays, but my family made it special for me. Izak woke me up with a tender greeting. Libby just smiles and lights up my day. And Levi...what a guy!

My wife ordered tickets for her and me to enjoy a practice round at the upcoming PGA Championship (one of the 4 majors in professional golf) which will be held near Chicago in August. It's going to be a great time together and to see some of these incredible golfers up close. I've never done that before...should be a blast.

In the evening, we enjoyed the company of most of our small group friends. We played cards, laughed, trash-talked, and laughed some more. That was refreshing...

Yesterday was a nice and full family day. I got some house stuff done and then ran errands with Z and Lib, so Heidi could tackle some of her stuff without interuption. That woman can balance a checkbook like nobody's business! To the penny!!

Today...back in the office. The guys are gone, so it's pretty much just me back here in the building. Should be a good week to study and get my head and heart into the upcoming ministry year.

That's the news here...

Peace,

M@

Climate Change...

Al Gore has been getting around lately. He's putting all of his energy and credibility into his recently released movie about the changing climate and the crucial reality that we need to face. He believes strongly in what he's preaching. He's committed to getting the word out that humans (Americans in specific) are bringing about incredible and destructive changes to the earth's climate that will result in catastrophe, making Katrina look like a fresh spring rain.

I've been interested to learn more about this idea. I confess that I haven't spent the kind of time and money on it that Gore has. Nor am I a researcher in this field. So I, like most of us, must rely on the inputs of people who are deemed reliable and credible sources. In learning more, I came across this piece, which is worth the read. You can link to it at: http://www.canadafreepress.com/2006/harris061206.htm

If offers a credible challenge to the theory that Gore is supporting in his movie. Again, it's worth a read.

The take-away for me on this issue is multifaceted. Personally, I want to do my part to care well for creation. That's been a growing edge for me the past 5 or 6 years. We recycle all that we can at home and at the church. Northwest is using mugs that get washed instead of styrofoam cups for coffee. I "lust" a little less over trucks and look more at a future small car that has better fuel economy -- though I make no promises that a Tacoma may not get the best of me in the future!

I also think we have important responses as a local and global worshipping community. The Church ought to be at the front of the line on caring well for creation. The one we are most passionatley in love with created it all. Think about it. If Heidi, the object of my deepest human affection, creates something...I'm pretty defensive about it. I don't let other people mess with it. I don't even want the kids to mess with it. Her "creation" is a reflection of her and I don't want that tainted.

The world around us is a reflection of God. It reflects his creativity, beauty, mercy, wonder, grandure, structure. If He is the object of our deepest affection, then why would we not want to work to protect and care for that in which He invested so much? Humans are the crown of creation, sure. But that doesn't negate the rest of it.

So I'm still growing and learning. And I'm much more inclined to continue that path out of love for the Creator versus fear, guilt, or peer pressure. Check out the article. Experience a little freedom from guilt and fear. And then go hug a tree!

Peace,

M@

so far...so good...

Heidi is having a great time visiting friends. Sounds like her batteries are getting a much-needed re-charge...which was the point.

The kids are doing well here. We've enjoyed a couple of outings and a couple trips around the block. It's strange not having Levi here, too. I've gotten so used to the little guy being around that I keep listening for him.

Guess what we had for breakfast this morning? POPCORN!!! At least Izak did. Lib's munching on a bagel...a bit more appriate of a breakfast. But he loves it...and it's Daddy Day!!

Peace from the trenches...

M@

Daddy Weekend...

There have been Daddy Days since Izak was born. Well, we're upgrading this weekend. It's going to be a Daddy Weekend! Heidi and her 8-month-old appendage are heading out of town for 48 hours, beginning Sunday morning.

Yeah, it's a little crazy to think about Sunday am flying solo. But I figure I might as well give it a run sometime, right? If Heidi is ever to be involved in the worship gathering, then I need to learn what it feels like to get the kids there in the morning, since she'd need to be there early, too.

I'm a little nervous about getting to church about 20 minutes prior to it beginning...I'm used to be there a couple hours ahead. That just means I need to get my head and heart ready tonight instead of counting on that time in the morning. I can do it.

Then the rest of the day we will play, nap a bit (maybe) and then slide into bed for a quiet night. And unicorns, Big Foot, and Nessie all exist, too!

It's been quite a week. We're doing interviews at Northwest for a Youth Pastor. Can't tip my hat here since there are no final decisions at this point. Keep posted...we hope to make a decision this week. It's a big deal on many fronts. And it's certainly been an opportunity for God to grow our (the other leaders and me) faith...and that's a good thing.

In this and other situations, I'm learning to trust and walk by faith...even when I don't know what even the next step is supposed to look like. Again, that good. That 's how faith is grown and developed. It's just not comfortable. I guess that's the point.

Heading to bed.

peace,

M@

still here...

I didn't realize it's been this long since I posted. I guess the words about Heidi are a great way to leave it hanging for a couple weeks.

Life has been pretty intense lately. I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to be learning...I think it has to do with trusting God even when it doesn't feel good. I also think I'm supposed to be learning to give thanks for the challenges -- not in spite of them, but for them. That idea scraped across my mind last night and I'm still processing it a bit. Probably worth a post or two in the near future.

I was thinking about blogging the other day. When I began, I was an assistant pastor at a large church...I didn't get many opportunities to speak. Now, I'm the lead pastor at a smaller church and I speak/teach weekly, at least. I don't think it spells the end of blogging, but I may account for some of the longer stretches between posts...I have other outlets for thoughts and ideas. Anyway...

Heidi and I are heading out together tonight. The monkeys are all in bed and (relatively) quiet. Will be nice to have some focused time with her. Ms. B called and asked if she could come over so we could get out -- what an incredible gift! Thanks, Ms. B.

Peace,

M@

My Wife...

I have an amazing wife. Really...I do. If you know her, you have gotten a glimpse of that and would agree. But I know her more than any other person in this world. After 11 years of marriage, I know her better than her sister and mother and father and...anyone. Not because I'm so special or discerning (I am a man, you know), but because she has chosen to share herself with me. What a gift!

- I am continually amazed at her strength and fortitude as a mother. No matter how tired she is (she hasn't slept more than 3 full nights in the past 4 years, if that) she digs down deep and does what she needs to do to serve the kids and me. She gets up in the middle of the night to comfort a teething toddler. She takes the time to discipline a growing boy when it would be so much easier to just let it slide -- but that doesn't help him, does it? When she gets to the end, there is just a little bit more to give.

- I am honored by the respect that she gives me. She has more brain power than I could hope for. She is gifted and skilled to the hilt. Yet she respects me. And she tells me so. She knows the power of her words and how she communicates love and respect. That power is huge!

- I love to hear her sing. When she sings praise to our God, it's amazing to hear. She's got muscial skill, that's for sure. But in worship, she has a gift. I have benefited more than anyone else from that.

- Her laugh is infectious. She loves to laugh. A witty line. Someone falling down or getting startled. Physical humor is her favorite. Her eyes light up and the room fills with her laugh.

- Her tender touch is beyond amazing. I have known that touch as she gently rubs my shoulders or plays with my hair...even just holding her hand. I have seen the effects of that magical touch as she holds a crying child who is throwing up. One gentle touch and everything seems to be ok. I think that's one of the things that makes her a wonderful and sought-after nurse.

- She loves Jesus. She trusts him. She chases after him. She would rather give up the closeness of her soul-mate friends and move to another part of the country than disobey him. Her life is a reflection of love and obedience working together.

- She uses her words well. She asks a good question and helps a friend process a challenging situation. She offers some discerning insight and brings clarity to a confusing situation. She challenges my heart in a matter, and helps keep me soft before God. Words have power. She wields her power well.

Those are just a few of the things that I've learned and love about Heidi. And we've really only begun this journey together. There will be more teething, diapers, flu bugs, school meetings, worship gatherings, vacations, soccer games, football games, graduations, military graduations, disappointements, celebrations...more life to come. And I get the honor to join hands with this amazing woman and walk through life with her.

My Beloved...you are a treasure to me...

Matthew

I'd rather...

...be going through challenging situations with the Spirit near by than smooth sailing with no need for Him.

That's a great explanation to the question, "How are you doing?" Could just say, "Fine." But that just doesn't cover all the right bases.

In the past couple of months, God has shown me a bit more of himself than I have ever known before. Seriously. God. Incredible.

In that, I have found amazing comfort and peace in His nearness. Just being near. Like knowing Heidi is close by. I don't even need her to say anything...just reaching over and knowing she's close is comforting. I've found the same with the Spirit of God.

Are some of these challenges hard? Some of the hardest I've faced. But He is near. He is wise. He is strong. Therefore, so am I.

Peace,

Matt

What a week!!

Wow...that one was a doosey!! Here are some of my reflections on this past week...

- There are some pretty intense things going on at Northwest. I could not be more excited about what God is up to. People are really experiencing His presence in profound and powerful ways. I'm including myself in that, which is incredible!

- The kids have had a nasty virus for over a week. Izak woke up last Sunday with a mighty yak! And he didn't stop for several days. He got very bad. I've never seen him that flacid and weak. Heidi processed that really well on her blog...check it out. It was a scary time.

He landed in the hospital for two days and one night. I got to stay with him over most of that, since Levi also started yakking and filling nasty diapers...he needed Mom to be near even more than Izak did. It was an honor for me to simply be with my son while he recovered. I hope and pray that at some level, he experienced a bonding with Daddy that he will draw on as he gets olders.

One of the thoughts that I had during this ordeal was: Izak gets to live because he's my son. Because he was born into my family, in the US, he gets to live. Had he been born into a family in rural Africa or India or so many other poor countries, he would have died from this virus. Some people make a great deal about how much America sucks. I know we're not perfect...but I get to laugh with my son today because we live in America. I'm thankful for that. On the flip side, I'm also not ok with people dying from a virus like this...what can I/we do to help bring about a new reality to people around the world? I think there is much...we can give generously to organizations that are on the ground in other countries doing the hard work. We have so much that we do not need...it's time to share.

- It's important to me to be a solid Daddy. I wear that name as a badge of honor. As much as I love my work and am passionate about serving Jesus, I love my family deeply and am thankful for opportunities like this past week to put feet on that heart.

- Rick is in town for a few days. Rick is a soul-mate friend from Buffalo. He is a gift to me. He encourages and humbles. We laugh together in ways that should be illegal (should be...but aren't!) Our wives are so incredible, they are making a way for us to golf together. So he's in town this weekend and we'll golf at least 3 times, it not 4. He'll also kick my butt in pool a bit, too. God's timing in bringing him here this weekend is perfect.

- DaVinci Code comes out this week. So many different reactions to this book and movie. I read the book a while back. I like Tom Hanks, so I'll probably watch the movie at some point. I think people often react out of two things: fear or idolatry of the Bible. We don't need to fear that someone is going to prove the bible false, thus undermining my faith. We don't need to fear. Because (and this leads to the second part) our faith is not based in the text, but in the person revealed in the text, Jesus. Even if it was empiracally proven (which I don't think it ever will be) that the Bible is historically inaccurate, my faith would still remain strong in the person of Jesus. How? If the text is not accurate, how can I know? The Spirit. God gave us His Spirit which leads us and guides us. Is the Bible important? It's huge. But it's not bigger than Jesus. And sometimes people act as if the bible is more important that being a passionate follower of Jesus. Passionately loving Jesus brings one to the text.

I'm talking a bit about this during worship on Sunday. Should be an interesting message. It will be different sort of flavor than normal, but a change is good now and then. I'm looking forward to it.

That's the scoop.

Peace,

M@

Sunday night...

Not a very creative title to a blog, I know. But that's about what I have tonight. I'm about as drained as I can remember ever being. But at the same time, my spirit is in a great place. Body weak. Spirit strong.

Izak woke up this morning with a mighty yak. So Heidi won another day at home with the kids. She doesn't complain at all, though it's got to be intense. What an incredible lady! That's why Mother's Day is so big!

Libby started yakking again, too. Two out of three. The day is just getting better. Levi seems to be ok...for now.

At the moment, all the kids are down for the night. Heidi is at Small Group...a little chance to get out and hang with big people. And I've got the quiet house to myself.

Rick, a soul-mate of a friend, is coming out next weekend. We're going to get a few rounds of golf in. Golf is our haven together. There's nothing like a day on the course with Rick. He's a gift to me. It's perfect timing for some time together. I miss him. And in challenging times, he's a good friend to simply talk things through. He knows me well enough to not let me get away with anything. And he's encouraging and builds me up at the same time. Friends like that are a gift.

That's the scoop from here...

Peace,

Matt

blank stare...

I find that by the time I get to 7pm, all I've got left in me is enough energy to muster up a blank stare...not much else these days.

Some challenging things going on in my world. The challenges aren't fun. But what is fun is seeing God be so faithful in providing wisdom, courage, strength, and grace. I'm learning that I'm a sucker for redemption...

Redemption is an incredible thing, really. Even for my tin cans, I can get $.05 for giving them my garbage...not a bad deal. But even more than a nickel, God is all about redemption. No matter what we put on His plate, He's out to put value on it and make it good. It's not so much that he makes the bad stuff good, but that he turns it around, like spiritual ti-kwon-do. And he turns it into something that brings Him glory. I love that. I love to hear stories of redemption. I love to be a part of that process in the lives of people. I'm absolutely hooked on it.

That fact means that I also set myself up for disappointment...alot. I believe the best in people. I root for people. I make myself vulnerable. I'm a sucker.

But for that one time when it happens...when all the people involved submit to the leadership of Jesus...man...you just can't beat it!

Peace,

Matt

quick post...

Life has been moving pretty quickly here and posting has taken a little back seat. Here's a quickie update...

- Great Easter celebrations around Northwest. Dan and his "angels" did a great job putting together a creative and meaningful Good Friday experience. I heard great feedback on that...

- Easter was fun. It's the biggest day of the year, in my mind. The resurrection of Christ is the source of my hope. That day is also a challenge -- people have a variety of expectations for a worship experience on Easter. We broke the 200 mark on Easter...for the first time since I've been at Northwest. I liked that...

- The kids are doing great! I love my time with them. Izak is growing up to be a big boy on so many levels. Libby is a wonderful fire-cracker and fun. Levi is charming to the hilt. And Heidi...what a gift! She serves us all in so many ways.

- moving fast these days, like I said above. But I'm sensing the nearness of God, which is a source of strength and peace.

That's what I have at this point.

Peace,

Matt

my family...

I just can't shake 'em. I thought I could for a few days. I was given the gift of a trip to another city...alone. I needed it. I desired it. I anticipated it with excitement.

Then the time came for me to head out...and I hated it. I hated saying good-bye to my family. I didn't cry, but there were a few times when I was close to it. I just love my family so much...

My time in Boston was great. It was even more than I expected it to be. But the entire time, there was a nagging "miss-my-family" thing going on in my heart.

I missed Izak's desire to sit in my "yap" and the hugs and stories at bedtime.

I missed Libby's life-filled eyes as she dances in the mirror.

I missed Levi's full-face grin and belly laugh when I put my nose against his.

I missed Heidi's tender touch and the high-five at the end of a long day -- We did it again...

Yeah...I get pretty tired. But I wouldn't trade them for anything. I love my family...they are a gift to me...