I find that by the time I get to 7pm, all I've got left in me is enough energy to muster up a blank stare...not much else these days.
Some challenging things going on in my world. The challenges aren't fun. But what is fun is seeing God be so faithful in providing wisdom, courage, strength, and grace. I'm learning that I'm a sucker for redemption...
Redemption is an incredible thing, really. Even for my tin cans, I can get $.05 for giving them my garbage...not a bad deal. But even more than a nickel, God is all about redemption. No matter what we put on His plate, He's out to put value on it and make it good. It's not so much that he makes the bad stuff good, but that he turns it around, like spiritual ti-kwon-do. And he turns it into something that brings Him glory. I love that. I love to hear stories of redemption. I love to be a part of that process in the lives of people. I'm absolutely hooked on it.
That fact means that I also set myself up for disappointment...alot. I believe the best in people. I root for people. I make myself vulnerable. I'm a sucker.
But for that one time when it happens...when all the people involved submit to the leadership of Jesus...man...you just can't beat it!
Peace,
Matt
Matt Furr
- Matt and Heidi
- Life's a journey of faith. These writings are my reflections on this journey as I put my faith in Jesus and learn to trust his leadership.
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1 comment:
Matt,
You preach to me nearly every week. I listen and I hope that in some small measure I learn. Perhaps my heart is given a strong foundation even while my life is ruled from my head. If so, that’s grace! (And I thank you for that.) You spur me to contemplate my own redemption, from a perspective of my white-knuckled grip on a personal need for happiness. So allow me to explain.
I usually associate my unhappiness with my perception of a disappointing marriage and my happiness with my desire to nurture, support, encourage, and be truly connected with my children. I also tend to associate happiness with my quest for knowledge and personal reading. I find Christian fellowship, small group encounters, Ministry and service, and the like, fulfilling as well.
So I ask: It this it? If I had a “good” relationship with my wife (understanding that I can only speak from my flawed perspective), would I be truly be happy? What else would be on my “If only I had…” list?
I guess I need to know what my definition of happiness is for me, and then, how I can attain it. Perhaps then I would be happy. I suspect that my definition would change too rapidly to ascertain a personal sense of fulfillment. Just as all people are different, so too, I am different as I age. Time stands still for no one. So what do I do?
I have found happiness in Christian service through my spiritual gift of mercy. I was happy to be shoulder-to-shoulder with others who were like-minded, but that was not the reason for my being there. I served others and my sense of happiness just happened; it appeared out of nowhere…
I once knew true joy when I accepted Jesus Christ in my heart. I changed. I was grateful. But for how long? And to what degree? And why did I remain in my same job and then marry someone whom I knew was not like-minded about extending love and dignity to the unloved in this world? The more things change the more they stay the same. Getting a handle around happiness and then mastering it is not easy! It seems that happiness on earth is fleeting and tough. Spiritual happiness is worthwhile but elusive.
Pascal writes, “Man wishes to be happy, and only wishes to be happy, and cannot wish to not be so.” I agree. For this reason, I feel hopeless. To the question of what moves desire, Locke answers, “happiness, and that alone.” (Please don’t quit on this because of my choice of philosophers, for they are simply tools to spark thought and to challenge me further.) Kant believes that true ethics or metaphysical morals are impossible for man, but “the principle of private happiness” consists in “the satisfaction of all our desires” through personal experiences. I guess I want some of that, but at what cost?
To Kant, a man can be happy if under the moral law he does his duty. He should not do his duty with the hope of thereby becoming happy. Rather, his unconditional duty (standard of right and wrong) may result in happiness as a consequence.
So there is a tension between my ethics of duty (law) and happiness (desire). Perhaps I can think of it as scripture (God’s law) and grace (God’s love). If I place all my hope and desire and energy into being happy, then I am doomed. Yet, if I lead a fully engaged life committed to unconditional performance of duty, then there is hope for me.
Upon reflection I see now that I find happiness in my desire to be a good father to my children! It is God’s moral law that I unconditionally desire to do: to love, support, and train my children. I build memories, and I hope legacies. My happiness is a consequence of this moral action. I don’t do my duty to gain happiness; it just happens!
Likewise, I choose to serve in Ministry as a genuine and wonderful sense of duty, and I derive happiness from it! True joy. It doesn’t matter whether I am providing behind-the-scences helps in an empty sanctuary or giving mentally and physically challenged adults respect and dignity. What is special is that happiness flows as a natural (spiritual) consequence of my fulfilling my sense of duty to be Christ-like.
So I question: What is my approach towards my relationship with my wife that results in the opposite of happiness, specifically, anger, frustration, despair, and a sense of hopelessness? Obviously, I am not happy, yet I have known happiness before (for example, the privileges of being a dad and being selfless towards others, especially the afflicted and the unloved amongst our society). In these latter cases, it has been my desire to fulfill my sense of duty, a commitment to do what is right. I feel God’s pleasure in the process, for why else would I know peace (if even for a moment) and happiness in my soul?
My sense of redemption is now upon me. Jesus cries out, I have known you since before time and you know me, and you will know Me more fully at the end of time, but for now dear child, search your heart! Live from your heart and not your head! Let your heart guide you. I have patiently waited until this moment in My Creation to share this with you. It is time.
Fulfill my grace-filled law. I command you, my son, to joyously live a life fully committed to your wife. Your covenants, your vows, were also with me! They’re our vows and I treasure them.
I think I get it. God blessed me with children and gave me a tender heart towards the afflicted as a training ground to do His will, and I found pleasure in it. It is now time for me to be Christ (as best as I can) to my wife, a wonderful lamb of God. I have been given the honor to shower my wife with love, grace, and respect, even when she herself may not feel worthy of such treatment. I must be unconditional in my sense of duty and commitment towards my wife, and I tell you that this is my total desire.
Happiness is an interesting topic, but it is not an entitlement. Redemption is something I don’t think much about. I thank you Matt for your thoughts on this day. You have stirred something that I hope will have lasting effects far into the future. My hope lies in simply doing what is right. For the first time in my life, it seems possible.
With Love to you and yours, Thanks!
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