freaking out...

Last night was not a good night for Izak. We had a very nice family day together -- first time in several weeks that we didn't have plans and Heidi and I were both together with the kids. It was great...I love my family! In the evening, we went to the local mall so that Libby could get some pictures taken -- they came out GREAT!! While we were waiting for the pictures to be printed, we just tooled around the mall.

That seemed innocent enough. But then Izak wanted to walk instead of riding in the stroller. Again, that seemed easy enough. He had a great time and he even did well holding my hand instead of running crazy.

It happened slowly and was barely perceivable. But he started to get overwhelmed. Outside of the stroller, his world got very big. There was the very exciting bird room at the pet store. There was the ramp in the food court. Then there were all the people and lights and sounds...it was all great. But a sense of insecurity and fear began to creep up within him...this was all fun, but so much bigger than me!

By the time we left, he was sobbing...nearly vomiting, he was so scared and 'at the end' of himself. It was very sad to watch. The only thing that helped him was when I carried him in my arms and whispered in his ears that I love him...then he would quiet down.

The world is a pretty big place. There are so many wonderful things to see, touch, and hear. But the further I get from my Father's side...the more I run fast and try to enjoy it all, the more I'm overwhelmed.

I don't fall into a heap on the floor sobbing when I'm overwhelmed. Instead, I holler at the dog and get impatient with my kids. I argue instead of discuss. I put unreasonable expectations on other people.

In those moments, what I need is the quiet voice of the Father quietly reminding me of his love...

If you've found yourself a little bit frazzled at the big world around you, quiet yourself and listen...

Peace,

M@