Emotional Intelligence: self-awareness

From the earliest age, we learn a lesson that easily defines our lives – it’s all about ME! Yup, that cute, cuddly little bundle of joy that you bring home from the hospital is all about one person (and it’s not Mommy or Daddy). At that stage of life, it’s to be expected. But we rarely stop there…we often grow into selfish kids, teenagers, and adults.

Selfishness is not self-awareness. As a matter of fact, though they can be confused, they are really worlds apart.

Selfishness asks: How do I get what I want?

Self-awareness asks: What am I experiencing right now?

See the difference? Selfishness is about getting. Self-awareness is about understanding.

Self-awareness can become unhealthy when it’s distracting or obsessive. But when developed in healthy ways, it’s actually the foundation of healthy emotional intelligence. Without healthy self-awareness, we will miss several things:

- how and why we react the way we do in certain situations

- the ability to control our fear, pride, or anger in potentially/perceived threatening situations

- how our reactions impact others around us (to now care how our reactions impact others is to bring us back to a discussion on selfishness)

There is a danger here – as there is with almost every aspect of life. That danger is that in our attempt to become emotionally self-aware, we get self-obsessed. Not good. Went too far in that direction.

How can we cultivate a healthy self-awareness?

1. The Bible actually teaches us a ton about ourselves. We learn that fear is real. We learn about our ability to deceive even ourselves. We learn that each of us was created by God to reflect His character.

2. Look for flags – those moments when your reaction to something or someone is stronger than the situation seemed to call for. For example, when someone critiques your project with honesty, but you blast them back defensively. It’s a sign that there is something deeper going on in there. Unfortunately, the things that trigger us the most often take us by surprise – it’s part of the “fun” of learning.

3. Ask the tough questions. Why did I blow up like that? Why did I shut down when she said that? Why do I feel the need to control this person?

4. Process with a trusted friend or Godly counsel. Sure, sometimes it may need to be a good counselor who helps you process what triggers you. But it can often be a trusted friend or comrade who can help you get to the bottom of the situation.

5. Pray for insight. Who knows you better than yourself? God does. He has thoughts about how you live and He actually delights in your growth and development. Ask Him to show you more about you – the journey will actually help you get to know more about Him.
Psalm 139:1-18

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.