processing much...

Life has been so full lately. I've been expending so many of my words in processing it all that I haven't had much to post. So I thought I'd gaze at a blank screen until I write something.

I was talking through some things with my dad this evening. He said, "Sounds a little like the guy who said, 'Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?'" Yeah...that's a lot how I feel these days.

It seems like every arena of my life is requiring significant decisions that have lasting implications. Home, work, friendships. I go from one issue to the next with substantive outcomes waiting for my decision.

I tend to be comfortable making decisions and with risk. But I'm not sure that I've navigated through a time like this which required as many high-stakes choices.

I feel the weight of it. I don't think I blow it out of proportion, but neither do I blow it off.

I also feel alive. It's sort of strange. There is a vibrancy in these things. It's risky. It's life. It's real. It requires my utter dependence on God.

I can't fabricate a good outcome in these things. I can't wing it or fudge it...both of which I'm pretty good at. These things require complete dependence on Jesus.

If I don't, the outcome will depend on my emotions and whim. And frankly, if that's what the outcome depends on, I don't want to stick around to see it.

So I must set aside personal pride. I must set aside comfort. I must set aside anger. As I do, Jesus rises up within.

Peace. Laughter. Confidence. Strength.

Not mine. His...